Six Sentence Sunday – 5/27/12

Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’m eager to share lines from my new short story BEER AND GROPING IN LAS VEGAS. If all goes as planned, I’ll have my polishing done and this will be going out on submission by Tuesday. Wish me luck!

Last week, Riley met his blind date for the night. Fast forward past dinner, and things have gotten serious, fast. They are now in an elevator, and Riley’s told her he wants her in a bad way, but extracts a promise that they be totally honest with each other and asks if she wants this (his hands are holding her face. her response, in her POV):

Tapping a seldom used inner streak of boldness, she moved her head to kiss his palm. She darted her tongue out and traced his life line. His breath hitched. She could swear his rich, brown eyes darkened.

Suddenly she was on him like white plastic on a Stormtrooper, shamelessly pressing against his body, groping and kissing him. He groaned, a good groan, cinched his arms around her waist and spun them until her back hit the wall of the elevator.

As always I welcome constructive feedback. Thank you!

To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here.

Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week! 

47 Replies to “Six Sentence Sunday – 5/27/12”

  1. Hi there I came across your site while searching for other writers on wordpress.. Although you only give 6 sentences 🙁 it sounds really good.. I kinda wanna know what happens after the elevator.. maybe we’ll find out a lil more next week *crossing fingers* Also If you get a moment I would love for you to check out my site as well.. comments and feedback would be greatly appreciated! Happy Writing 🙂

  2. I’m one of the lucky ones who got to read the entire story, and this was such a fun couple. I laughed again at the stormtrooper line — they’re so perfect together, these two. 🙂 Fingers crossed for them while their story is on submission!

  3. What a way to start the morning! I’m barely out of bed, and read this…
    “Very nice, effective,” she says, panting.

    Good luck with the submission!!!

  4. Whew! Hot six, Angela! My only suggestion would be for the second sentence – it didn’t read as smooth to me starting with “She.” I was thinking maybe “Her tongue darted out, tracing his lifeline, and his breath hitched.” Just a thought, but overall loved it! 🙂

  5. Hot! Whew…nice six, Angela! I loved this: “…white plastic on a Stormtrooper.” Had me chuckling 🙂 Good luck on your submission! Hoping the best for you 🙂

  6. Now *that’s* passion! I’m glad she decided not to be shy. So much better this way, for all of us. 😉

  7. Steamy 6! And, brilliant! I love the storm trooper reference. 🙂 And tracing his lifeline with her tongue seems like a symbol – of what, I have no idea – but it is interesting to me. Best of luck with your submitting!

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