Six Sentence Sunday – 5/20/12

Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’m eager to share lines from my new short story BEER AND GROPING IN LAS VEGAS.

Riley is about to meet his blind date for the night, we’re in his POV, edited slightly to fit 6 sentences:

At the top, Juan swept back a leafy frond to reveal a granite table surrounded by lush foliage and a stacked stone wall. More torches sat in each corner, lending enough light to see by, but also adding a ton of atmosphere.

[Riley’s] date faced the far wall, light flickering across the dark hair tumbling down her back. Shit, if he were the romantic type, he’d be in hog heaven with this setting. She slowly turned to face him.

His breath caught–Dear God, he was in heaven.

As always I welcome constructive feedback. Thank you!

To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here.

Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week! 

43 Replies to “Six Sentence Sunday – 5/20/12”

  1. Eee, loved this story. His reaction to first seeing her was priceless. I hope you’re going to share more, they have such a fun relationship. A lot of laugh out loud moments!

    1. 😀 Thanks Sadie! You definitely helped me tighten up this story 🙂 I’ll be sharing snippets for a couple more weeks at least. Until I have something to share from my new steampunk one I’m in the middle of writing

  2. Well, that’s a good start to the date! 😀 (Let’s hope she doesn’t sound like a mule or a fool when she opens her mouth. And, more importantly, let’s hope the same for him!)

  3. He’s in heaven, but is it “hog-heaven” ? Guess he’ll find out. Hope he gets to keep his first response reaction.

  4. I love it!

    One suggestion: “…lending enough light to see by, but also adding a ton of atmosphere.” Maybe change the “but” to an “and.”

    1. It’s true! I enrolled in Candace Havens fast draft class on Monday and committed to write 15 pp a day! It’s blowing my mind too. I’ve been averaging 1200 to 1800 words an hour

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