Six Sentence Sunday – 7/15/12

Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I have some exciting news (for me)– Secret Cravings contracted my novelette BEER AND GROPING IN LAS VEGAS! It is scheduled for release January 2013! I had two contract offers on it, and received a third just recently! Also, this will be my last post for 2 weeks — I’m going to the RWA National conference and I need next Sunday to get ready :) Are you going?

Here’s my working blurb, which needs to be 150 words (it’s 149 right now). Thoughts?

Can a djinn and a magic slot machine bring two geeks together?

Riley McGregor is a geek trapped in a Good Ole Boy body and as owner of a microbrewery, smart chicks never look at him twice.

Rejected by a geek who wanted to “trade up,” Mirjam Linna would rather immerse herself in work than be the girlfriend-of-the-moment. Stranded in a Vegas hotel, she makes a wish—a night of hot sex with the man of her dreams. It’s granted. She agrees to dinner, but afterward, she’ll say thanks, but no thanks, and see what’s on the SyFy channel. But when they meet, they’re surprised to find they had a shared connection in their past. Sparks fly as these two learn to be in the moment, be themselves and find love.

Fans of Star Trek, Star Wars, Monty Python, Firefly and Marvin the Martian will enjoy this romantic comedy.

Anyway, in light of this development, I thought I’d share the opening lines, which has not been through the publisher’s editor:

Mirjam rubbed the tiredness from her eyes, but the Caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland still occupied the Rivenbark Hotel & Casino elevator with her. She blinked and squinted. Yep, and life-size. Complete with a hookah.

Plastic squeaked against glass as the caterpillar shifted to make more room. It made eye contact.

As always I welcome constructive feedback. Thank you!

To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here.

Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week! 

About these ads
Leave a comment

38 Comments

  1. What a hilarious opening! So fun. Congratulations on your big news, and have fun at the conference!

    Reply
  2. Gem

     /  July 15, 2012

    Like the set up. It sounds like it’s going to be great fun. Have fun at the conference. Not going this year but wish I was.

    Reply
  3. J.M. Blackman

     /  July 15, 2012

    First, congratulations! That’s wonderful news! Whoo! Sorry to see you gone for two weeks, but can’t wait to hear about how RWA went. Your blurb is great. I especially like the fans of listing and the initial line. Excellent. And your opening lines are really intriguing. I would have to read more. Fantastically silly with a great tone of humor already. I’m sure it’ll be a hit!

    Reply
  4. I’m so excited by your news! Your contract news — NOT that we can’t read anything of yours for two weeks. *frowns* I wish I would be at RWA, but I won’t be, unfortunately. I loved your six and the last line — “it made eye contact” — cracked me up!

    Reply
  5. Easy fix for the word count problem: change “these two” to “Riley and Mirjam” or Mirjam and Riley.

    Three contract offers? You’re living the good life, and you deserve it! We will miss you the next two weeks. Also we expect a full report when you get back.

    The caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland? LOL I have to read this!

    Reply
    • Thanks!! And it doesn’t have to be 150 exactly, just letting folks know how much it currently was in case they had an idea to improve it, they knew they had an extra word to play with :)

      Reply
  6. Uh …. that sounds like one of my bizarre dreams! SO happy for you and can’t wait to hear about RWA!

    Reply
  7. Congrats again on the contract Angela! So excited for you! I thought the blurb sounded great. Very intriguing and really pulls the reader in. And speaking of pulling the reader in, holy cats, that opening scene was hilarious! Great 6!

    Reply
  8. Congratulations!!! Squeeeeee :D Very much looking forward to this purchase!!
    What an opening 6, no wonder you had 3 offers

    Reply
  9. Congratulations on the contract! (and sorry to be out of touch as commenter and correspondent lately…)

    I love this excerpt; it exemplifies my favorite moment: when, having laid the groundwork of ordinary life (and the extraordinary forces that run underneath it) the Story makes its appearance, and the plane leaves the ground.

    Reply
  10. Great six to show that there’s no telling what else is to come in this book! Congrats on the contract, and enjoy your time at RWA. Watch out for the elevators, though! ;-)

    Reply
  11. I think your blurb sounds good. Based on what you’ve written, I’d pick up the book. Have fun at RWA!

    Reply
  12. I’ll be at RWA, Angela! Are you going to the steampunk workshop by any chance?

    Congrats on the contract (and the multiple offers!). The first six are terrific attention grabbers.

    Reply
    • Awesome, hopefully we’ll meet! And if there’s a steampunk workshop, I’m there (I haven’t had a chance to plan out my sched. I need to get on that, eh?)

      Reply
  13. That last line is fantastic, Angela! What a fab opening – so descriptive and sets the scene perfectly. Have fun at RWA!

    Reply
  14. Congratulations on your contract! Your opening six lines are really fun.

    Reply
  15. Monica Enderle Pierce

     /  July 15, 2012

    Congrats, Angela! Well-deserved success. :D

    And with this opening, I can see why they bought it. What a hilarious visual, and the sound just completes the picture.

    Reply
  16. Nice opening and I like the name Mirjam (very creative). Hope all goes well at the conference and congrats on everything!

    Reply
    • Thanks! Actually I can’t take credit for the name– She’s Finnish-American and that’s the Finnish equivalent of Miriam, prounounced “MEER-yahm”

      Reply
  17. Hmm… Is there by any chance a scifi convention going on at the hotel? Great opening.

    Reply
  18. It’s kind of a hamfisted way to created drama, but Flaubert had them, so why can’t you? I’m talking about the one sentence paragraph. You could try this with “It’s granted,” as it’s own paragraph. It might work better visually as well.

    Also, love your 6! I like the detail about the plastic squeaking on the glass.

    Reply
  19. Carrie Crain

     /  July 15, 2012

    I want to go to RWA. Sounds fun! Have a great time. I am a fan of Monty Python, so I’m sure I’d enjoy this story. I love the elevator scene – cute and delightful.

    Reply
  20. What a funny six. It’s an image most people can identify with and yet we know it’s not normal to see him in an elevator. Love it! Congrats!

    Reply
  21. Well Ilike Kate’s idea I was going to suggest
    as sole owner
    or add luxury before hotel
    but if it can be more than 150 words?

    have fun at the conference

    Reply
  22. I love the blurb and the opening — and the premise is excellent.

    Have fun at RWA and don’t talk to any strange caterpillars!

    Reply
  23. The blurb sounds brilliant – all my favourite TV shows – and the excerpt is a hoot. Are you sure it’s just beer she’s been on?

    Reply
  24. siobhanmuir

     /  July 15, 2012

    What happens in Vegas…Great six, Angela. Love the last line. :)

    Reply
  25. Jessica Subject

     /  July 15, 2012

    Fun and creepy at the same time. LOL

    Reply
  26. LOL! What a great opening to a story! Tere is no way a reader isn’t going to continue on to find out what the heck is going on. Great six.

    I love the beginning and ending of your blurb. I like what is happening in the center, but I personally think it could use a little tweaking to keep that wonderful momentum going (which picks up again with the “if you like” portion.)

    Here’s where it isn’t *quite* as superlative (IMHO) : “It’s granted. She agrees to dinner, but afterward, she’ll say thanks, but no thanks, and see what’s on the SyFy channel.”

    It’s a little murky there. I’m not even sure it’s needed at all, but if there’s any way to combine those two sentences and make it more concise, it might work better. Dunno.

    “But when they meet, they’re surprised to find they had a shared connection in their past. Sparks fly as these two learn to be in the moment, be themselves and find love.” This part would probably work right after “It’s granted”, but with only a comma in between?

    I’m not the greatest blurb writer in the world, LOL, I can only say that it’s just not *quite* right. Know what I mean?

    Anyway, CONGRATULATIONS on the sell! Loved all the snippets you shared.

    Reply
  27. Yeah! So glad you sold it! Like I said, I had a feeling about this one! I hope you blog about your experience at RWA–I’d love to read it. I just got around to joining (bad writer!) and attended my first meeting yesterday, so I’ll be thinking of going next year when it’s in Atlanta.

    Reply
  28. Who can resist an excerpt like that? Pretty amazing stuff, makes me want to read more right now, today…I’ll be at RWA so hopefully we get a chance to meet! Congratulations on the sale!

    Reply
  29. Fantastic! Congratulations again, Angela. Awesome news.

    Reply
  30. Ha! What an opener! Fantastic six. I’m hooked. Congrats on the contract!

    Reply
  31. Congrats again on the contract. And wow, that definitely rocks as a winner of an opener! I know I’m gong to love this realease!

    Reply
  32. Maryellen Brady

     /  July 15, 2012

    Congratulations!!! and fun snippet :) have fun!!!

    Reply
  33. Angela, Congratulations on your contract. I hope to see you at National’s

    Reply

Don't be a dork, leave a reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: