Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I have some exciting news (for me)– Secret Cravings contracted my novelette BEER AND GROPING IN LAS VEGAS! It is scheduled for release January 2013! I had two contract offers on it, and received a third just recently! Also, this will be my last post for 2 weeks — I’m going to the RWA National conference and I need next Sunday to get ready :) Are you going?

Here’s my working blurb, which needs to be 150 words (it’s 149 right now). Thoughts?

Can a djinn and a magic slot machine bring two geeks together?

Riley McGregor is a geek trapped in a Good Ole Boy body and as owner of a microbrewery, smart chicks never look at him twice.

Rejected by a geek who wanted to “trade up,” Mirjam Linna would rather immerse herself in work than be the girlfriend-of-the-moment. Stranded in a Vegas hotel, she makes a wish—a night of hot sex with the man of her dreams. It’s granted. She agrees to dinner, but afterward, she’ll say thanks, but no thanks, and see what’s on the SyFy channel. But when they meet, they’re surprised to find they had a shared connection in their past. Sparks fly as these two learn to be in the moment, be themselves and find love.

Fans of Star Trek, Star Wars, Monty Python, Firefly and Marvin the Martian will enjoy this romantic comedy.

Anyway, in light of this development, I thought I’d share the opening lines, which has not been through the publisher’s editor:

Mirjam rubbed the tiredness from her eyes, but the Caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland still occupied the Rivenbark Hotel & Casino elevator with her. She blinked and squinted. Yep, and life-size. Complete with a hookah.

Plastic squeaked against glass as the caterpillar shifted to make more room. It made eye contact.

As always I welcome constructive feedback. Thank you!

To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here.

Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week! 

  1. Like the set up. It sounds like it’s going to be great fun. Have fun at the conference. Not going this year but wish I was.

  2. First, congratulations! That’s wonderful news! Whoo! Sorry to see you gone for two weeks, but can’t wait to hear about how RWA went. Your blurb is great. I especially like the fans of listing and the initial line. Excellent. And your opening lines are really intriguing. I would have to read more. Fantastically silly with a great tone of humor already. I’m sure it’ll be a hit!

  3. I’m so excited by your news! Your contract news — NOT that we can’t read anything of yours for two weeks. *frowns* I wish I would be at RWA, but I won’t be, unfortunately. I loved your six and the last line — “it made eye contact” — cracked me up!

  4. Easy fix for the word count problem: change “these two” to “Riley and Mirjam” or Mirjam and Riley.

    Three contract offers? You’re living the good life, and you deserve it! We will miss you the next two weeks. Also we expect a full report when you get back.

    The caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland? LOL I have to read this!

    • Thanks!! And it doesn’t have to be 150 exactly, just letting folks know how much it currently was in case they had an idea to improve it, they knew they had an extra word to play with :)

  5. Congrats again on the contract Angela! So excited for you! I thought the blurb sounded great. Very intriguing and really pulls the reader in. And speaking of pulling the reader in, holy cats, that opening scene was hilarious! Great 6!

  6. Congratulations on the contract! (and sorry to be out of touch as commenter and correspondent lately…)

    I love this excerpt; it exemplifies my favorite moment: when, having laid the groundwork of ordinary life (and the extraordinary forces that run underneath it) the Story makes its appearance, and the plane leaves the ground.

  7. I’ll be at RWA, Angela! Are you going to the steampunk workshop by any chance?

    Congrats on the contract (and the multiple offers!). The first six are terrific attention grabbers.

  8. Monica Enderle Pierce

    Congrats, Angela! Well-deserved success. 😀

    And with this opening, I can see why they bought it. What a hilarious visual, and the sound just completes the picture.

  9. It’s kind of a hamfisted way to created drama, but Flaubert had them, so why can’t you? I’m talking about the one sentence paragraph. You could try this with “It’s granted,” as it’s own paragraph. It might work better visually as well.

    Also, love your 6! I like the detail about the plastic squeaking on the glass.

  10. Well Ilike Kate’s idea I was going to suggest
    as sole owner
    or add luxury before hotel
    but if it can be more than 150 words?

    have fun at the conference

  11. LOL! What a great opening to a story! Tere is no way a reader isn’t going to continue on to find out what the heck is going on. Great six.

    I love the beginning and ending of your blurb. I like what is happening in the center, but I personally think it could use a little tweaking to keep that wonderful momentum going (which picks up again with the “if you like” portion.)

    Here’s where it isn’t *quite* as superlative (IMHO) : “It’s granted. She agrees to dinner, but afterward, she’ll say thanks, but no thanks, and see what’s on the SyFy channel.”

    It’s a little murky there. I’m not even sure it’s needed at all, but if there’s any way to combine those two sentences and make it more concise, it might work better. Dunno.

    “But when they meet, they’re surprised to find they had a shared connection in their past. Sparks fly as these two learn to be in the moment, be themselves and find love.” This part would probably work right after “It’s granted”, but with only a comma in between?

    I’m not the greatest blurb writer in the world, LOL, I can only say that it’s just not *quite* right. Know what I mean?

    Anyway, CONGRATULATIONS on the sell! Loved all the snippets you shared.

  12. Yeah! So glad you sold it! Like I said, I had a feeling about this one! I hope you blog about your experience at RWA–I’d love to read it. I just got around to joining (bad writer!) and attended my first meeting yesterday, so I’ll be thinking of going next year when it’s in Atlanta.

  13. Who can resist an excerpt like that? Pretty amazing stuff, makes me want to read more right now, today…I’ll be at RWA so hopefully we get a chance to meet! Congratulations on the sale!

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