Weekend Writing Warriors – 5/24/14

wewriwa_square_2Welcome to Snippet Sunday and Weekend Writing Warriors! Happy Memorial Day! For those new to this, fellow writers post eight sentences from one of our works. I’ve been revising my New Adult steampunk romance, STEAM ME UP RAWLEY, so I thought I’d share. This is the first scene in the hero’s POV and he’s just landed in the backyard of the heroine’s home in a hot air balloon. She’s standing in front of him and it picks up a little after where I left off last time:

With the tropical sun bearing down and over-saturating all the colors, everything was utterly alien. Like the landscape was rubbed raw, exposed, and he stood there, exposed with it, almost embarrassed on its behalf. He couldn’t help but contrast it to the comforting textures, colors and smells of the stone-bordered fields of his home in Devonshire. The air here was so thick with humidity, he could taste the green of the leaves, the reds of the blooms. And most of all, his gaze returning to the lady before him, he could taste the brightness, the energy, of her, like all her curves and the froths and swoops of her pale green dress were a confection.

Egad, the heat must be getting to him. He was positively gushing poetic folderol. This wasn’t him. Not him at all.

I welcome all comments, even constructive crits. To join in the fun and see the other wonderful writers, go to Weekend Writing Warriors! Thanks for stopping by!

22 Replies to “Weekend Writing Warriors – 5/24/14”

  1. Picturesque details and thought provoking analogies. Kudos.

    Look at this sentence, “Like the landscape was rubbed raw, exposed, and he stood there, exposed with it, almost embarrassed on its behalf.”
    For me, it would sound better without the “and” before “he stood there.”

  2. Nothing more endearing than a guy stumbling all over himself over a girl. Love the “poetic folderol” line. Totally made me giggle! Great, vivid descriptions as well!

  3. I loved this snippet. You painted the scene with your poetic words! I love this guy already and want to know more.

  4. This is fabulous. i like the poetic folderol, and your description is really good. I live in the South, and you’ve described it well.

  5. Interesting. Seems your writing style has changed. You discuss taste in two consecutive sentences. And I’m pretty sure that’s a no-no on the lists I’ve kept of your writing tips…

  6. Wow…just wow. Your description is amazing. The details you work in are so seamless, I’m aware of what they tell me, but not even conscious enough of them to know that my mind is processing them. How do you do it? Really good excerpt, Angela.

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