Six Sentence Sunday – 4/29/12

Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’ll share a snippet from my time-travel romance WIP titled MUST LOVE BREECHES, which is now out in query land! (You can see the other entries here.)

I am currently looking for Beta readers. If you’re interested, let me know. I’ve stopped querying to see how this batch takes and so this new round of Beta reading will be to help me tighten up what problems will have come to light.

Here’s my pitch/logline: When a thoroughly modern girl finds herself stranded in 1834 London, she must find a way home while navigating the pitfalls of London society, resisting her attraction to a hunky lord, and ultimately having to decide when her true home lies. 

This is the midpoint of the novel, right after she’s caught him sneaking around in a room at a ball. Oh, and she’s on top of him on the floor because she’d been surprised by him and tackled him to the floor before she realized who it was. Picking up exactly where we left off last week (this is in his POV):

He detected in her eyes, hiding behind her spectacles, the moment she also became conscious of their position, their dangerous position. On the verge of suggesting she arise, he saw the dratted door knob turn again.

Without further thought he grabbed the back of her head and brought his lips to hers. Luckily, they lay at such an angle, and the room lit by only a single candle, that he was rather certain their identities were safe from discovery. She responded to his kiss immediately, opening her mouth in invitation. Desire pounded through him at this surprising response.

As always I welcome constructive feedback. Thank you!

To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here.

Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week! 

76 Replies to “Six Sentence Sunday – 4/29/12”

  1. The kiss may have been to save themselves trouble, but I think it turned into something much more. Nice six! 🙂

  2. Hi Angela! I like how you’ve set up the kiss–it’s better than the tired old she trips, he catches her, they fall and kiss. I do wonder who’s about to find them. 🙂 ~Marcia/Owllady

  3. I hope the low lighting and kiss to hide their identities doesn’t backfire on them…he / they might have just made it worse for themselves, even more fun for the reader! 🙂

  4. So good! At first, I thought: Why would he kiss her when the door knob was turning? Wouldn’t it “ruin” her. But then, as I read on, I realized he was actually trying to protect her reputation. Excellent! I love this story, Angela. You have absolutely GOT to publish this.

  5. I really liked your second paragraph, but something about the first paragraph just didn’t feel right to me. The words felt kind of rough and disjointed. Just a thought.

  6. Angela, I wish I had the time to beta read this for you. I love your heroine and the whole premise of this boook. I can only imagine his surprise at her reaction to him. 😆

  7. didn’t realise she wore spectacles, no contact lenses baack then. I wonder if the first sentence ia a bit clunky? I have too much clunk in my last scene so maybe I’m imagining yours. Otherwise great scent. though as someone said, these modern girls are so forward lol

  8. Yeah!! I’m jumping up and down here. Can you see? oh and I’m clapping and grinning too<—your 6 made me feel this way, ty 🙂 Love when an unexpected kiss gets unexpected results, such fun

    1. It’s literally pitch black in this room except for that tiny candle, so nope, nothing the person would see. Besides, as you’ll see, the door is only opened for a split second– only enough for the person to realize the room was ‘taken’ and quickly shutting it.

  9. Hot! 🙂 I like it. I read down through the comments, and saw what Jess (Schira) wrote. So I went back to reread the first para. The use of these two words “detected” and “spectacles” is, perhaps, what feels awkward. The similarity of the sound almost feels like a redundancy. But, I could be completely off on that thought. Wonderful six, Angela–I went back and reread last week’s to refresh my memory, then let it flow right into this. Like I said, “Hot! 🙂

  10. I love time travels.
    The second paragraph drew me in right away. Love it!! I want to know who’s after them now.
    The first paragraph– I had to re-read it a few times. Hmm…something didn’t flow.

    This sounds like a great read.

  11. Very nice six! I wish my possibly soon-to-be ex had been that eager and passionate to kiss me.

    The first sentence seems a little awkward and long-winded. Perhaps it could be broken into two sentences, or reworded slightly?

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