Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’ll share a snippet from my time-travel romance WIP titled MUST LOVE BREECHES, which is now out in query land! (You can see the other entries here.)
I am currently looking for Beta readers. If you’re interested, let me know. I’ve stopped querying to see how this batch takes and so this new round of Beta reading will be to help me tighten up what problems will have come to light.
Here’s my pitch/logline: When a thoroughly modern girl finds herself stranded in 1834 London, she must find a way home while navigating the pitfalls of London society, resisting her attraction to a hunky lord, and ultimately having to decide when her true home lies.
This is the midpoint of the novel, right after she’s caught him sneaking around in a room at a ball. Oh, and she’s on top of him on the floor because she’d been surprised by him and tackled him to the floor before she realized who it was. Picking up exactly where we left off last week (this is in his POV):
He detected in her eyes, hiding behind her spectacles, the moment she also became conscious of their position, their dangerous position. On the verge of suggesting she arise, he saw the dratted door knob turn again.
Without further thought he grabbed the back of her head and brought his lips to hers. Luckily, they lay at such an angle, and the room lit by only a single candle, that he was rather certain their identities were safe from discovery. She responded to his kiss immediately, opening her mouth in invitation. Desire pounded through him at this surprising response.
As always I welcome constructive feedback. Thank you!
To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here.
Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week!
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Catherine Johnson
/ April 29, 2012Love the excerpt! I have a friend writing a middle grade time travel based in Paris. I wonder if you’d like to beta read each others. I’ll suggest it if you like.
Stephanie
/ April 29, 2012Oh, those modern girls are so easy
I love that he appreciates her response and isn’t offended by her lack of “proper” restraint.
Jessica Subject
/ April 29, 2012The kiss may have been to save themselves trouble, but I think it turned into something much more. Nice six!
Donna Cummings
/ April 29, 2012I like that he’s making good use of this opportunity! Hope the door doesn’t open too soon — we need some more snippets first.
Kate
/ April 29, 2012I love this scene! Great choice of six, Angela!
gayleramage
/ April 29, 2012Ooh, very sexy! I wonder who’s walked in and caught them!
A.S. Fenichel
/ April 29, 2012Angela, this is fantastic. I’m right there with them and I want more. I’m really excited about this book. Great job!
Angela Quarles
/ April 29, 2012Thanks! Now if I could just get an agent excited, lol!
Lisa Fox
/ April 29, 2012That was some quick thinking on his part. And it seems like it worked out well for him!
L.J. Kentowski
/ April 29, 2012Sexy Six! I love it! I love his surprise at her reaction. Something simple has turned into so much more than he expected?! Great six!
Gem
/ April 29, 2012Good luck with your queries. I think this is an awesome story!
Wendy S. Russo
/ April 29, 2012A lot of instinct in this six. Good luck with the betas and queries!
Owllady/Marcia
/ April 29, 2012Hi Angela! I like how you’ve set up the kiss–it’s better than the tired old she trips, he catches her, they fall and kiss. I do wonder who’s about to find them.
~Marcia/Owllady
Joanne Stewart
/ April 29, 2012Oh, I’m dying to read on. Fantastic six!
Cara Bristol
/ April 29, 2012Nice. So restrained, but sensual.
melinda dozier
/ April 29, 2012Love that they are “forced” to kiss! Great six!
Lila Shaw
/ April 29, 2012I hope the low lighting and kiss to hide their identities doesn’t backfire on them…he / they might have just made it worse for themselves, even more fun for the reader!
movingforeword
/ April 29, 2012Can’t wait to read more! Really enjoyed this six!!!
Carly Fall
/ April 29, 2012Nice six, Angela. Good luck with your queries! I’m not participating this week, but wanted to stop by and check out your SSS. Enjoy your Sunday!
Patricia Preston
/ April 29, 2012Exciting six!! Good luck from one Southern gal to another.
Linda Morris (@LMorrisWriter)
/ April 29, 2012No wonder she tackled him. I’m loving me some Phineas. Good six!
Kate Meader (@KittyMeader)
/ April 29, 2012Yes, he’s definitely found the right girl for him!
Elin Gregory
/ April 29, 2012Excellent set up for all kinds of misunderstandings arising from the temporal culture clash. Super six.
Corinne Davies
/ April 29, 2012I can’t wait to see what happens next
Great six!
veronicascott
/ April 29, 2012Quick thinking on his part, nice way to “save” her reputation for the moment! Great six…
K.E. Saxon
/ April 29, 2012So good! At first, I thought: Why would he kiss her when the door knob was turning? Wouldn’t it “ruin” her. But then, as I read on, I realized he was actually trying to protect her reputation. Excellent! I love this story, Angela. You have absolutely GOT to publish this.
Angela Quarles
/ April 29, 2012Thanks!! Here’s hoping an agent feels the same way
Jess Schira
/ April 29, 2012I really liked your second paragraph, but something about the first paragraph just didn’t feel right to me. The words felt kind of rough and disjointed. Just a thought.
Angela Quarles
/ April 29, 2012cool, will try and work on that!
Silver James
/ April 29, 2012Angela, I wish I had the time to beta read this for you. I love your heroine and the whole premise of this boook. I can only imagine his surprise at her reaction to him.
Sue
/ April 29, 2012didn’t realise she wore spectacles, no contact lenses baack then. I wonder if the first sentence ia a bit clunky? I have too much clunk in my last scene so maybe I’m imagining yours. Otherwise great scent. though as someone said, these modern girls are so forward lol
Cate Masters
/ April 29, 2012Love his way of hiding their identities! And her reaction.
The first paragraph tripped me up a bit. Maybe lose the “hiding” to quicken the pace? Just a thought.
S. J. Maylee
/ April 29, 2012Yeah!! I’m jumping up and down here. Can you see? oh and I’m clapping and grinning too<—your 6 made me feel this way, ty
Love when an unexpected kiss gets unexpected results, such fun
Jo-Ann Carson
/ April 29, 2012I can feel the heat. Great six.
Candice Bundy
/ April 29, 2012Fabulous six Angela! It’s wonderful how he’s shocked by her willingness, which in her time isn’t such a big deal. Perspective is everything!
Paula Martin
/ April 29, 2012LOL, he’s a real opportunist!
Sarah W
/ April 29, 2012I wish this was six to twenty-three sentence Sunday, because the rest of this scene was just as amazing, Angela!
Angela Quarles
/ April 29, 2012aaw thanks! It’ll give me several Sundays to populate with snippets though until I have a new story to share
Teresa Cypher
/ April 29, 2012I agree, Sarah. The toughest part of SSS is wanting to read more. Six is such a teaser.
Ryan Derham
/ April 29, 2012Great scene, Angela. I like that their response to the awkward situation was surprising and well, sexy! Great six!
Melynda Price
/ April 29, 2012Great six! The kiss is fantastic and his surprise to her reaction hooked me
Can’t wait to keep reading!
sueannbowlingauthor
/ April 29, 2012I gather there’s nothing distinctive about their dress?
Angela Quarles
/ April 29, 2012It’s literally pitch black in this room except for that tiny candle, so nope, nothing the person would see. Besides, as you’ll see, the door is only opened for a split second– only enough for the person to realize the room was ‘taken’ and quickly shutting it.
Teresa Cypher
/ April 29, 2012Hot!
I like it. I read down through the comments, and saw what Jess (Schira) wrote. So I went back to reread the first para. The use of these two words “detected” and “spectacles” is, perhaps, what feels awkward. The similarity of the sound almost feels like a redundancy. But, I could be completely off on that thought. Wonderful six, Angela–I went back and reread last week’s to refresh my memory, then let it flow right into this. Like I said, “Hot! 
Angela Quarles
/ April 29, 2012Thanks! And thanks for helping to isolate the beginning– I think you’ve hit upon it
Wildcat's Wife
/ April 29, 2012Passionate. He does not want her to leave, that much is obvious! I was hung up on the word “dratted” — not sure how I feel about that choice. Good six, Angela!
Chantel Rhondeau
/ April 29, 2012I just love this scene and everything that goes along with a kiss like that!! Great job!
Amy Durham
/ April 29, 2012Ah… secrecy! Very intriguing six!
Amy Durham
Sandra Sookoo
/ April 29, 2012Nice! Wonder who’s after them.
Karen Michelle Nutt
/ April 29, 2012I love time travels.
The second paragraph drew me in right away. Love it!! I want to know who’s after them now.
The first paragraph– I had to re-read it a few times. Hmm…something didn’t flow.
This sounds like a great read.
Lorraine Paton
/ April 29, 2012Woo hoo! They are kissing! I love that she’s surprised him. What a teasing six, though, I want to know what happens next!
Karyn Good
/ April 29, 2012I love the mix of irritated politeness and protective instinct! Great six.
Carrie-Anne
/ April 29, 2012Very nice six! I wish my possibly soon-to-be ex had been that eager and passionate to kiss me.
The first sentence seems a little awkward and long-winded. Perhaps it could be broken into two sentences, or reworded slightly?
Karysa Faire
/ April 29, 2012Nice! Of course he’d be surprised.
Guess what I’m reading today??????
Angela Quarles
/ April 29, 2012oh, yay!! Looking forward to your feedback!
Ursula Grey
/ April 29, 2012Excellent six, Angela. Can’t wait to read this!
Monica Enderle Pierce
/ April 29, 2012Um, was that gentlemanly behavior? Does she care? I think not.
Babette James
/ April 29, 2012Finally, a kiss! lol I love his solution to avoid discovery. Fun six!
Elaine Cantrell
/ April 29, 2012I love time travel novels. It seems that he’s trying to save her reputation, maybe?
Angela Quarles
/ April 29, 2012Yep, though his too, as he was snooping around where he wasn’t supposed to be. This gives them a ‘reason’ to be there…
Kylie Scott
/ April 29, 2012Man, I love dratted. Such a cool word! And that is a VERY nice kiss. Your voice is wonderful, Angela. Just saying.
Angela Quarles
/ April 29, 2012Thank you Kylie!
Jalisa Blackman (@J_M_Blackman)
/ April 29, 2012I love how intense these stolen moments are throughout BREECHES; it makes the tension that much more taut. You weave a wonderful set of tales.
Angela Quarles
/ April 29, 2012Thanks Jalisa!
Jennifer Lowery
/ April 29, 2012Wonderful six as always!
Jean Marie Ward
/ April 29, 2012I love how deep the POV is and how distinct his inner voice is from your heroine.
Tonya Burrows
/ April 29, 2012Okay, I’m trying to turn the page on my computer screen to see what happens next and it’s not working. Drat!
siobhanmuir
/ April 29, 2012Woo! Hot stuff, Angela. What a fun six. And I suspect she’s enjoying it as much as he is.
Cera duBois
/ April 29, 2012Wonderful 6…Love your deep POV. Good luck on the queries!!!
Sandra Bunino (@SandraBunino)
/ April 29, 2012I do love kisses by necessity! They always turn into more. Super six!
Heather Boyd
/ April 30, 2012Fantastic six! Great excuse for a kiss. Love it!
Zee Monodee
/ April 30, 2012Ooooh! Now this is exciting…! Great job, girl!
sarahballance
/ April 30, 2012Oh, my, it’s getting toasty warm in here! I love this turn of events!
Ginger Simpson
/ April 30, 2012Angela, Enjoyed your six again. What a wonderful idea he had to hide their identities. Whether it works or not…I like his thinking.
Mae Clair
/ April 30, 2012Thoroughly sexy and hot. Things are really heating up now. Can’t wait to see where you lead them from here!