Six Sentence Sunday – 4/29/12

Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’ll share a snippet from my time-travel romance WIP titled MUST LOVE BREECHES, which is now out in query land! (You can see the other entries here.)

I am currently looking for Beta readers. If you’re interested, let me know. I’ve stopped querying to see how this batch takes and so this new round of Beta reading will be to help me tighten up what problems will have come to light.

Here’s my pitch/logline: When a thoroughly modern girl finds herself stranded in 1834 London, she must find a way home while navigating the pitfalls of London society, resisting her attraction to a hunky lord, and ultimately having to decide when her true home lies. 

This is the midpoint of the novel, right after she’s caught him sneaking around in a room at a ball. Oh, and she’s on top of him on the floor because she’d been surprised by him and tackled him to the floor before she realized who it was. Picking up exactly where we left off last week (this is in his POV):

He detected in her eyes, hiding behind her spectacles, the moment she also became conscious of their position, their dangerous position. On the verge of suggesting she arise, he saw the dratted door knob turn again.

Without further thought he grabbed the back of her head and brought his lips to hers. Luckily, they lay at such an angle, and the room lit by only a single candle, that he was rather certain their identities were safe from discovery. She responded to his kiss immediately, opening her mouth in invitation. Desire pounded through him at this surprising response.

As always I welcome constructive feedback. Thank you!

To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here.

Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week! 

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76 Comments

  1. Love the excerpt! I have a friend writing a middle grade time travel based in Paris. I wonder if you’d like to beta read each others. I’ll suggest it if you like.

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  2. Oh, those modern girls are so easy ;) I love that he appreciates her response and isn’t offended by her lack of “proper” restraint.

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  3. Jessica Subject

     /  April 29, 2012

    The kiss may have been to save themselves trouble, but I think it turned into something much more. Nice six! :)

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  4. I like that he’s making good use of this opportunity! Hope the door doesn’t open too soon — we need some more snippets first. :)

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  5. I love this scene! Great choice of six, Angela!

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  6. gayleramage

     /  April 29, 2012

    Ooh, very sexy! I wonder who’s walked in and caught them!

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  7. Angela, this is fantastic. I’m right there with them and I want more. I’m really excited about this book. Great job!

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  8. That was some quick thinking on his part. And it seems like it worked out well for him!

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  9. Sexy Six! I love it! I love his surprise at her reaction. Something simple has turned into so much more than he expected?! Great six!

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  10. Gem

     /  April 29, 2012

    Good luck with your queries. I think this is an awesome story!

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  11. A lot of instinct in this six. Good luck with the betas and queries!

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  12. Hi Angela! I like how you’ve set up the kiss–it’s better than the tired old she trips, he catches her, they fall and kiss. I do wonder who’s about to find them. :) ~Marcia/Owllady

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  13. Oh, I’m dying to read on. Fantastic six!

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  14. Nice. So restrained, but sensual.

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  15. Love that they are “forced” to kiss! Great six!

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  16. I hope the low lighting and kiss to hide their identities doesn’t backfire on them…he / they might have just made it worse for themselves, even more fun for the reader! :)

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  17. Can’t wait to read more! Really enjoyed this six!!!

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  18. Nice six, Angela. Good luck with your queries! I’m not participating this week, but wanted to stop by and check out your SSS. Enjoy your Sunday!

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  19. Exciting six!! Good luck from one Southern gal to another.

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  20. No wonder she tackled him. I’m loving me some Phineas. Good six!

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  21. Yes, he’s definitely found the right girl for him!

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  22. Excellent set up for all kinds of misunderstandings arising from the temporal culture clash. Super six.

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  23. I can’t wait to see what happens next :) Great six!

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  24. Quick thinking on his part, nice way to “save” her reputation for the moment! Great six…

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  25. So good! At first, I thought: Why would he kiss her when the door knob was turning? Wouldn’t it “ruin” her. But then, as I read on, I realized he was actually trying to protect her reputation. Excellent! I love this story, Angela. You have absolutely GOT to publish this.

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  26. I really liked your second paragraph, but something about the first paragraph just didn’t feel right to me. The words felt kind of rough and disjointed. Just a thought.

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  27. Angela, I wish I had the time to beta read this for you. I love your heroine and the whole premise of this boook. I can only imagine his surprise at her reaction to him. :lol:

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  28. didn’t realise she wore spectacles, no contact lenses baack then. I wonder if the first sentence ia a bit clunky? I have too much clunk in my last scene so maybe I’m imagining yours. Otherwise great scent. though as someone said, these modern girls are so forward lol

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  29. Love his way of hiding their identities! And her reaction.
    The first paragraph tripped me up a bit. Maybe lose the “hiding” to quicken the pace? Just a thought. :)

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  30. Yeah!! I’m jumping up and down here. Can you see? oh and I’m clapping and grinning too<—your 6 made me feel this way, ty :) Love when an unexpected kiss gets unexpected results, such fun

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  31. Jo-Ann Carson

     /  April 29, 2012

    I can feel the heat. Great six.

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  32. Fabulous six Angela! It’s wonderful how he’s shocked by her willingness, which in her time isn’t such a big deal. Perspective is everything! :)

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  33. LOL, he’s a real opportunist!

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  34. I wish this was six to twenty-three sentence Sunday, because the rest of this scene was just as amazing, Angela!

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  35. Great scene, Angela. I like that their response to the awkward situation was surprising and well, sexy! Great six!

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  36. Great six! The kiss is fantastic and his surprise to her reaction hooked me :) Can’t wait to keep reading!

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  37. I gather there’s nothing distinctive about their dress?

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    • It’s literally pitch black in this room except for that tiny candle, so nope, nothing the person would see. Besides, as you’ll see, the door is only opened for a split second– only enough for the person to realize the room was ‘taken’ and quickly shutting it.

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  38. Hot! :-) I like it. I read down through the comments, and saw what Jess (Schira) wrote. So I went back to reread the first para. The use of these two words “detected” and “spectacles” is, perhaps, what feels awkward. The similarity of the sound almost feels like a redundancy. But, I could be completely off on that thought. Wonderful six, Angela–I went back and reread last week’s to refresh my memory, then let it flow right into this. Like I said, “Hot! :-)

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  39. Wildcat's Wife

     /  April 29, 2012

    Passionate. He does not want her to leave, that much is obvious! I was hung up on the word “dratted” — not sure how I feel about that choice. Good six, Angela!

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  40. I just love this scene and everything that goes along with a kiss like that!! Great job!

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  41. Ah… secrecy! Very intriguing six!
    Amy Durham

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  42. Nice! Wonder who’s after them.

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  43. I love time travels.
    The second paragraph drew me in right away. Love it!! I want to know who’s after them now.
    The first paragraph– I had to re-read it a few times. Hmm…something didn’t flow.

    This sounds like a great read.

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  44. Woo hoo! They are kissing! I love that she’s surprised him. What a teasing six, though, I want to know what happens next! :)

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  45. I love the mix of irritated politeness and protective instinct! Great six.

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  46. Very nice six! I wish my possibly soon-to-be ex had been that eager and passionate to kiss me.

    The first sentence seems a little awkward and long-winded. Perhaps it could be broken into two sentences, or reworded slightly?

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  47. Nice! Of course he’d be surprised. ;-) Guess what I’m reading today??????

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  48. Excellent six, Angela. Can’t wait to read this!

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  49. Monica Enderle Pierce

     /  April 29, 2012

    Um, was that gentlemanly behavior? Does she care? I think not. ;)

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  50. Finally, a kiss! lol I love his solution to avoid discovery. Fun six!

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  51. I love time travel novels. It seems that he’s trying to save her reputation, maybe?

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    • Yep, though his too, as he was snooping around where he wasn’t supposed to be. This gives them a ‘reason’ to be there…

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  52. Man, I love dratted. Such a cool word! And that is a VERY nice kiss. Your voice is wonderful, Angela. Just saying.

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  53. I love how intense these stolen moments are throughout BREECHES; it makes the tension that much more taut. You weave a wonderful set of tales.

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  54. Jennifer Lowery

     /  April 29, 2012

    Wonderful six as always!

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  55. I love how deep the POV is and how distinct his inner voice is from your heroine.

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  56. Okay, I’m trying to turn the page on my computer screen to see what happens next and it’s not working. Drat!

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  57. siobhanmuir

     /  April 29, 2012

    Woo! Hot stuff, Angela. What a fun six. And I suspect she’s enjoying it as much as he is. :)

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  58. Wonderful 6…Love your deep POV. Good luck on the queries!!!

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  59. I do love kisses by necessity! They always turn into more. Super six!

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  60. Fantastic six! Great excuse for a kiss. Love it!

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  61. Ooooh! Now this is exciting…! Great job, girl!

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  62. Oh, my, it’s getting toasty warm in here! I love this turn of events!

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  63. Angela, Enjoyed your six again. What a wonderful idea he had to hide their identities. Whether it works or not…I like his thinking. :)

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  64. Thoroughly sexy and hot. Things are really heating up now. Can’t wait to see where you lead them from here!

    Reply
  1. SSS: April 29 #sixsunday « MovingForeword

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