Six Sentence Sunday – 2/26/12

Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’ll share a snippet from my time-travel romance WIP tentatively titled MUST LOVE BREECHES.

Here’s my new pitch/logline: When a thoroughly modern girl finds herself stranded in 1834 London, she must find a way home while navigating the pitfalls of London society, resisting her attraction to a hunky lord, and ultimately having to decide when her true home lies.  (You can see the other entries here.)

I got a request to have this week’s six feature the hero, Lord Montagu, and so I thought I’d share this snippet I wrote recently to add into Chapter One. I’d realized I needed to have him be a little more sympathetic and “heroic” because up until now, the reader only knows he has a bad reputation and is known as “the Vicious Viscount.” So in this new addition, he’s just been given a cut direct and has realized that his self-inflicted reputation is no longer working to enact “his plans” — he’s returning with food to Isabelle (whom he just met and danced with) and along the way sees a ‘young lady’ of ‘remarkable intelligence’ but with a ‘shy nature.’ Here’s what he does:

On a whim, he bowed, eliciting several shocked gasps. The young miss turned white. Excellent. Word would quickly spread and put her in the orbit of the young blades of the ton. Surely some worthy gentleman’s sense of protectiveness would be aroused and he would take notice of her.

Perhaps his reputation still had one noble function.

Does this work? As always I welcome constructive feedback. Thank you!

To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here. Other participants writing time travel: Gayle Ramage, Sandra Jones and Maria-Claire Payne

Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week! Have a great Sunday!

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64 Comments

  1. Jennifer Lowery~Author

     /  February 26, 2012

    LOL! I enjoyed the humor in your six! He sounds like a rake I’d like to read :)

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  2. Hey! Yeah that’s a very good six – definitely gives him some likeability, makes him sound dangerously spontaneous but noble. I completely forgot to do my six this week! Doh!

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  3. Great six. I love it when a “bad boy” does good!

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  4. Great snippet. Loved the humor in this.

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  5. If you can’t be a good example, be a horrible warning . . . I like this man!

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  6. Great six. I like this snip of his character very much.

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  7. This snippet lets us see a “decent” side to him. Very nice.

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  8. I really liked this snippet :-)

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  9. This snippet shows him thinking outside of himself to help another, which definitely makes him heroic. Great six!

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  10. Wonderful “Save the Cat” moment. Great work.

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  11. I’m hooked. Really enjoyed this snippet!

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  12. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it!! What a great way to make him sympathetic. Now I’m totally enamored of the guy. Can’t wait to read the whole story, dang it!!

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  13. Yeah, this shows the bad boy’s likeable side. Definitely a keeper!

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  14. This totally works for me. It’s a very simple way to elicit our sympathy for this character. When it started out with “on a whim” I was a little concerned that his action would be self-serving but you pulled it off by the last line.

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  15. Oh nice. This definitely makes him likable.

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  16. Oh, yes. This definitely works to redeem him and give the reader a glimpse behind his carefully constructed facade. Not to mention a great hook at the end!

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  17. I am definitely intrigued by him!

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  18. I enjoyed reading this, Angela. From the snippet, it shows the character in a positive light. Though he is known as the viscious viscount, the fact that he would use his title to help her, a wonderful quality. Like someone commented, I love me a bad boy gone good.. :D My, it’s been a while since I took part in six sunday. I just caught up with the other entries you did before. And I’m enjoying myself. A wonderful story. :)

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  19. The poor girl, no one was probably taken more off guard than her
    I think I like the “the Vicious Viscount,” but I’m not positive, I’d have to read more first ;)
    MORE Please!

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  20. Hmmm. The Viscious Viscount is very interesting. :)

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  21. Aw, I love this! This is charming. ;c)

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  22. This made me smile. I like a touch of humor.

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  23. Maria-Claire Payne

     /  February 26, 2012

    Ahhh, the roguish Lord…the best kind! Can’t wait to see how this story ends, Angela!

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  24. Great six – love this side of his character.

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  25. so he does it so the miss can get noticd by someone else and “saved” from him? That’s twisted! ;-)

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  26. Monica Enderle Pierce

     /  February 26, 2012

    I like how self-conscious he is. You know I love a rake with a little bit of good in him. I suspect the viscount may even surprise himself by the end.

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  27. D'Ann Linscott-Dunham

     /  February 26, 2012

    Great job! The rake has a softer side…!

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  28. Love the way he surprises the crowd by acting out of character. I’d guess he cares about the young miss more than he’d admit.

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  29. Self-deprecating humor. Love it!

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  30. Fun six! He sounds like a very interesting hero.

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  31. Excellent six! What I liked particularly about this interaction was how it demonstrated the way the everyone was observing his every move, and as we were discussing a few weeks back, the power of a simple bow in this kind of social setting back then.

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  32. I like that while he’s conscious of his reputation, rather than rebut it, he uses it in unexpected ways.

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  33. Nice window on his character. The scene works well with its humor and period flavor.

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  34. I like it! Shows a sense of humor and a warped sense of justice (which is the very best kind). :)

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  35. Really nice, Angela. A rake of the first water with a wry sense of humor. I like it.

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  36. Thanks for the background. Yes, I think it works well, cos I like him. It would be fun to see him fall in love. :-) Great 6

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  37. That’s a nice thing he did for her! Not all bad then, is he, our Viscount?

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  38. Oh, yeah. That works for me. Great six. Look forward to reading more soon.

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  39. This peaks your curiosity on why he’d bother to help her out. Nicely done! :)

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  40. Yes, sounds like he’s not such a bad guy. Great six! :)

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  41. Very cleaver addition – even bad boys can be good…

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  42. Oh, I love the title! And the hero sounds verrrry interesting!

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  43. Using his bad self to do good. Like him!

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  44. Oh.. I like him… Great six….

    BTW… I love the new pitch. I’m intrigued.

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  45. Oh, the bad boy did well!

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  46. I really enjoyed this. Bad boy doing a good deed very believable.

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  47. enjoyed your six! Very nice job. I love a good bad boy :)

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  48. I loved his need to do something dastardly to elicit good from others. Fun six, Angela. :)

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  49. This works really well, Angela. It says a lot about his character and it paints a very interesting painting. Definitely makes him likable!

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  50. T.F.Walsh

     /  February 27, 2012

    That was really good… loved the humour.

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  51. Good addition. I can almost picture that scene in my head.

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  52. I like it. The period voice is nicely done, too. BTW, do we know each other from Dragon*Con. Naturally, I read the post about “Captain Tight Pants” first. ;-)

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    • Don’t blame you for reading that one first :) I’ve been going every year since 2005. I used to run the Atlanta Browncoats if that helps place me–we put on the Wash Wake in 2006 (I think that was the year…) and had Alan Tudyk read his character’s eulogy up in the Con Suite… I have a different last name than this one, though. It’s possible we met…

      Reply
  53. Gotta love a rake with a wicked sense of humor. Nice 6.

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  54. And in six sentences I’ve fallen in love.

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  55. Uh-oh, not the ton. Sounds like she’s in for some trouble!

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  1. Sunday Website: 6 Sentence Sunday

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