Weekend Writing Warriors – 10/20/13

www_bannerWelcome to Weekend Writing Warriors! For those new to this, fellow writers post eight sentences from one of our works. I’ve been revising my New Adult steampunk romance, STEAM ME UP RAWLEY, so I thought I’d share and give the next eight sentences following last week’s where the heroine (Adele) is at a fancy outdoor party, talking to her pet monkey and Claire (the hostess) catches her and orders her to make note of a delicacy she got from out West. The first to speak is Adele in response:

Adele gritted her teeth. “I’ll be sure to do so.”

“See that you do.”

Adele wanted to roll her eyes, but the years of training in comportment held sway, so she imagined Loki doing so. Big deal. So Claire’s family was able to conduct trade with The West. The flaunting of wealth was nothing new, though given their politics and position in society, it was surprising they associated with the lawless and free-thinking West. Ever since the Late Great Unpleasantness, the political and economic polarity had shifted from North vs. South, to an East vs. West alignment.

I welcome all comments, even constructive crits. To join in the fun and see the other wonderful writers, go to Weekend Writing Warriors! Thanks for stopping by!

I’m looking for Beta readers for this story, so let me know if you’re interested!

17 Replies to “Weekend Writing Warriors – 10/20/13”

  1. The tension between these two continues! 😀 My one nitpick is that last sentence: it feels “tell-y” to me, in the sense that I’m not sure why Adele would be thinking it in quite that way. The idea behind it is great and maybe there’s a tweak that could be applied to make it as seamless as everything else. Then again, maybe once I read the whole chapter, I won’t nitpick 😀

  2. Well in Canada the issues are east to west and as far as the “telly” part it is part of back story and someone like Adele would think about the recent change in that context (?)

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