Six Sentence Sunday – 3/11/12

Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’ll share a snippet from my time-travel romance WIP tentatively titled MUST LOVE BREECHES.

Here’s my new pitch/logline: When a thoroughly modern girl finds herself stranded in 1834 London, she must find a way home while navigating the pitfalls of London society, resisting her attraction to a hunky lord, and ultimately having to decide when her true home lies.  (You can see the other entries here.)

This is from Isabelle’s POV, and she and Lord Montagu are in a curricle (a type of carriage) heading to Hyde Park. She’s only been back in time for two days and he’s just called on her to ask her to go on this ride with him. This picks up one sentence after last week’s:

Isabelle’s exposed position in the high seat of Lord Montagu’s curricle caused her to inwardly squirm. Surely one of them would point and whisper—interloper, faker. She was probably even sitting wrong. Though it was cool to find out what it was like to ride in one of these, the equivalent of a modern-day sports car… Kind of thrilling, too, but, Lordy Pete, she was glad when he slowed down from the fast clip he’d been maintaining.

She could no longer deny her physical reaction to him, not when sitting this close.

As always I welcome constructive feedback. Thank you!

To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here. Other participants writing time travel: Sharon Cullen and Ginger Simpson

Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week! Have a great Sunday!

Six Sentence Sunday – 3/4/12

Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’ll share a snippet from my time-travel romance WIP tentatively titled MUST LOVE BREECHES. I will be returning from the FF&P Fantasy on the Bayou Conference on Sunday, so will be a little later in the day visiting everyone. UPDATE: Just found out I finaled in the WRWDC Chapter’s Marlene Contest in the paranormal category!

Here’s my new pitch/logline: When a thoroughly modern girl finds herself stranded in 1834 London, she must find a way home while navigating the pitfalls of London society, resisting her attraction to a hunky lord, and ultimately having to decide when her true home lies.  (You can see the other entries here.)

This is from Isabelle’s POV, and she and Lord Montagu are in a curricle (a type of carriage) heading to Hyde Park. She’s only been back in time for two days and he’s just called on her to ask her to go on this ride with him:

Twenty minutes later, Isabelle clutched the edge of her seat as Lord Montagu’s curricle rattled alongside all the other stylish carriages that crammed Rotten Row in Hyde Park. Elegantly dressed women mingled along the lane strolling, or talking in small groups; men and women trotted on horses; and, to Isabelle’s astonishment, tradespeople and servants lined the edges here and there, staring and pointing. It was as if the promenaders formed a parade for the less fortunate to gawk at. And the way the promenaders behaved—strutting, gossiping with others they met on their amble—it reminded Isabelle of the practice of cruising with cars that used to be popular. She stifled a giggle when they passed a group of garishly dressed men in their early twenties—real live fops! They looked pleased with themselves.

As always I welcome constructive feedback. Thank you!

To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here. Other participants writing time travel: Gayle Ramage, Sandra Jones and Maria-Claire Payne

Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week! Have a great Sunday!

Six Sentence Sunday – 2/26/12

Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’ll share a snippet from my time-travel romance WIP tentatively titled MUST LOVE BREECHES.

Here’s my new pitch/logline: When a thoroughly modern girl finds herself stranded in 1834 London, she must find a way home while navigating the pitfalls of London society, resisting her attraction to a hunky lord, and ultimately having to decide when her true home lies.  (You can see the other entries here.)

I got a request to have this week’s six feature the hero, Lord Montagu, and so I thought I’d share this snippet I wrote recently to add into Chapter One. I’d realized I needed to have him be a little more sympathetic and “heroic” because up until now, the reader only knows he has a bad reputation and is known as “the Vicious Viscount.” So in this new addition, he’s just been given a cut direct and has realized that his self-inflicted reputation is no longer working to enact “his plans” — he’s returning with food to Isabelle (whom he just met and danced with) and along the way sees a ‘young lady’ of ‘remarkable intelligence’ but with a ‘shy nature.’ Here’s what he does:

On a whim, he bowed, eliciting several shocked gasps. The young miss turned white. Excellent. Word would quickly spread and put her in the orbit of the young blades of the ton. Surely some worthy gentleman’s sense of protectiveness would be aroused and he would take notice of her.

Perhaps his reputation still had one noble function.

Does this work? As always I welcome constructive feedback. Thank you!

To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here. Other participants writing time travel: Gayle Ramage, Sandra Jones and Maria-Claire Payne

Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week! Have a great Sunday!

Six Sentence Sunday – 2/19/12

Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’ll share a snippet from my time-travel romance WIP tentatively titled MUST LOVE BREECHES. Today is also in the thick of Mardi Gras here in Mobile, so I will try to make the rounds this morning, but might not be able to return comments until after Fat Tuesday :)

Here’s my new pitch/logline: When a thoroughly modern girl finds herself stranded in 1834 London, she must find a way home while navigating the pitfalls of London society, resisting her attraction to a hunky lord, and ultimately having to decide when her true home lies.  (You can see the other entries here.)

I thought I’d pick up exactly where I left off last week, when Isabelle’s friend said a guy was a “breech-ripper.” Seeing the comments, it made me realize I needed to have her react to the term, so here’s my next six:

Isabelle choked on her drink—they’d just been discussing their favorite ‘bodice ripper’ romances. She’d  discovered they shared a mutual obsession with guys in period clothes, which had helped propel her through the early stages of the party. Since this was the first time they’d hung out, she treated this moment delicately, afraid to puncture the mood. To have another friend in London would be wonderful.

A sharp elbow in her side caused her drink to flirt with the rim of her glass. “Look sharp,” Anna said, her voice low with just a dollop of teasing, “here comes Andrew.”

Does this work? As always I welcome constructive feedback. Thank you!

To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here. Another participant writing time travel is Gayle Ramage.

Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week! Have a great Sunday!

Six Sentence Sunday – 2/12/12

Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’ll share a snippet from my time-travel romance WIP tentatively titled MUST LOVE BREECHES.

Here’s my new pitch/logline: When a thoroughly modern girl finds herself stranded in 1834 London, she must find a way home while navigating the pitfalls of London society, resisting her attraction to a hunky lord, and ultimately having to decide when her true home lies.  (You can see the other entries here.)

Okay, a couple of week’s back I shared the new first opening lines and below is taking the last line in that and reworking it to show their obsession with guys in breeches, not tell. I wanted to get y’all’s opinion. I had one critiquer tell me they thought this was a bit gross/crass, but I wasn’t sure if it was just her sensibilities, or if it really was just, well, gross. Setup: they are at a reenactment ball set in 1834.

At least her co-worker Anna was with her in this. Like Isabelle’s, her dress was circa 1834. “Hmmm, how about him?” Isabelle asked, eyeing the guy walking past in tight-fitting, buff-colored breeches.

Anna sucked on her olive and plopped the stir stick back into her cocktail. “Oh, yes, a breech-ripper for sure.”

Since this is the third and fourth paragraph, I don’t want to get her characterization wrong. To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here. Other time-travel SSS writers: Gayle Ramage

Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week! Have a great Sunday!

Six Sentence Sunday – 2/5/12

Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’ll share a snippet from my time-travel romance WIP tentatively titled MUST LOVE BREECHES.

Here’s my new pitch/logline: When a modern girl finds herself stranded in 1834 London, she must find a way home while navigating the pitfalls of London society, resisting her attraction to a hunky lord, and ultimately having to decide when her true home lies.  (You can see the other entries here.)

So far I’ve only shared examples that were meant to be humorous or were requests for feedback. Today I thought I’d switch it up and share a moment when things get a little, uh, heated. They are in the British Museum, it is Lord Montagu’s POV, but starts off with the tail end of Isabelle’s dialogue (she’s been going on about the exciting things she’s seeing):

“…Everything in this room is all jumbled together from places all over the world — Alaska, Africa, New Zealand…”

When she finished talking, her hand still remaining on his upper arm, she looked at him waiting for his reaction. Her passion for these items lit her eyes.

The claws of instinct and desire gripped him. Her passion for history: he had to drink it, transmute it into another kind of passion. He framed her face with his hands, pushed her back into the recess between the two cases, and captured her silken mouth with his own.

To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here. Othe time travel snippets this week from: Gayle Ramage, Chris Kelworth and Ginger Simpson

Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week! Have a great Sunday!

Six Sentence Sunday – 1/29/12

Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’ll share a snippet from my time-travel romance WIP tentatively titled Must Love Breeches.

Here’s my new pitch/logline: When a modern girl finds herself stranded in 1834 London, she must find a way home while navigating the pitfalls of London society, resisting her attraction to a hunky lord, and ultimately having to decide when her true home lies.  (You can see the other entries here.)

Here we meet Lady Byron (Lord Byron‘s widow) and it’s just been announced that Lord Montagu has arrived to visit. Ada is her daughter (the future Ada Lovelace). The heroine (whose POV we are in) has had it with Lady Byron’s passive aggressiveness:

Lady Byron continued, “So kind of [Lord Montagu] to be solicitous, but then he should be since I am a close relation after all and one cannot be too solicitous when it comes to family. Is that not so, Ada? No, not at all.”

Good Lord. She wished Lady Byron’s embroidery needle would slip out of her fingers, whip around and stab the back of her hand. The woman was unbearable.

I want to thank all the commenters last week who helped me get my six sentences into a good rhythm. The comments were extremely helpful and enlightening and as some said, it was a good lesson in writing. Thank you!

To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here. And this week’s other time travel snippets are: Ginger Simpson.

Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week! Have a great Sunday!

Six Sentence Sunday – 1/22/12

Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’ll share a snippet from my time-travel romance WIP tentatively title Must Love Breeches. I currently have this out to Beta readers for feedback and hope to be in a position to query for agents by March. Here’s my working query hook for it: Isabelle Rochon has met the man of her dreams. There’s only one problem: he lives in a different century.  (You can see the other entries here.)

I’m going to try something new and share something I just added to see if it flows right. Setup: Lord Montagu, the love interest from the 19th century, has come to call on the heroine (from our present time). This is in her POV. I just revised this bit this past week — the original just had the first and second lines. I thought I’d try to explain what the meaning of the bow seemed like to her and I’m not sure if I have the beats down right.

He executed a neat bow.

A folklorist should document his bows — the man expressed different degrees of meaning with each. Like this one, which seemed to say, “I’d like to jump your bones.” Well, he’d probably phrase it as, “I lust for you.”

Um, yeah, no. Who was she kidding?

I’d love constructive feedback as to whether this flowed smoothly and if it gave you a chuckle? EDIT: The consensus seems to be that the last line kinda fails. Any suggestions on how to reword that so it gets across that she’d just made all that up and read too much into it? Okay, changing last line to:

Um, yeah, no. Probably more like, “Good afternoon.”

To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here. And this week’s other time travel snippets are: Tarah Scott and Ginger Simpson.

Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week! Have a great Sunday!

Six Sentence Sunday – 1/15/12

Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’ll share a snippet from my time-travel romance WIP. I currently have this out to Beta readers for feedback and hope to be in a position to query for agents by March. Here’s my working query hook for it: Isabelle Rochon has met the man of her dreams. There’s only one problem: he lives in a different century.  (You can see the other entries here.)

Thought I’d share the moment she transitions to 1834.

The room spun around her, the air, colors and sound muted as if she were inside an abstract watercolor painting. She put out a hand to steady herself. What the —? She shook her head. Nearby stood French doors that led to the balcony. She stumbled to the open doors and leaned against the door jamb.

If you were here last week for my 6, it inspired a post on dorky moments. Share yours!

To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here. Here’s another time-travel writer today, Ginger Simpson.

Have a great Sunday!

Six Sentence Sunday – 1/8/12

Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’ll share a snippet from my time-travel romance WIP. I currently have this out to Beta readers for feedback and hope to be in a position to query for agents in the new year. Here’s my working query hook for it: Isabelle Rochon has met the man of her dreams. There’s only one problem: he lives in a different century.  (You can see the other entries here.)

This week I’m going to take a deep breath and share my new opening. I haven’t been happy with my previous one as I think it started with too much action at the sacrifice of character development. So I scrapped it and came up with several new starts. I’ve settled on one and I’ve been revising and revising it all week. I thought I’d post it here to get your honest feedback/critique on it as an opening. Does it hook you?

A reenactment ball was the perfect setting for romance. Or not.

Isabelle fidgeted in her oddly-shaped, but oh-so-accurate dress surrounded by women who’d sacrificed accuracy for sex appeal. It was as if she were a dorky kid again, showing up to dress-up day at school when everyone else had magically decided it was lame.

At least her co-worker Anna had also taken it seriously; like Isabelle, her dress was circa 1834. Better yet, this being the first time they’d hung out, Isabelle discovered they shared a mutual obsession with guys in period clothes — specifically men in tight-fitting breeches — which had helped propel her through the early stages of the party.

To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here. Another poster today doing time-travel, check her out: Ginger Simpson

Have a great Sunday!