Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’m eager to share lines from my new short story BEER AND GROPING IN LAS VEGAS.

The working blurb: Riley McGregor is a geek trapped in a Good Ole Boy body and as owner of a microbrewery, he’s just not meeting his type. Smart chicks never look at him twice. He’d like to find someone who appreciates him for who he truly is. Rejected by a geek who wanted to “trade up,” Mirjam Linna has lost herself in her work as a computer programmer. Her sister sets her up on this blind date as an intervention, but Mirjam wants nothing to do with it. She’ll say thanks, but no thanks, and see what’s on late night on the SyFy channel. But when they meet, they are surprised to find they had a shared connection in their past. Sparks fly as these two learn to be in the moment, be themselves and find love.

Riley met his blind date for the night. Fast forward past dinner, and things have gotten serious, fast. They are now up in their room out on the balcony. He’s gone inside to get another round of beers (in her POV):

She took in the multicolored lights of the city, let the crisp night air wash over her, and reveled in being in this moment and feeling it. Lord, how numb she’d let herself become. Like a ghost limb that had fallen asleep and suddenly tingled with awareness.

The sound of the French doors closing and his footsteps signaled the next part of this moment. She smiled. Anticipating his body beside hers again, a thrill went up her spine when his hard, masculine presence hovered behind her instead.

As always I welcome constructive feedback. Thank you!

To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here.

Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week! 

  1. Hey Angela. Might I make a comment? I always thought “ghost limb” referred to a limb that had been removed so it threw me a bit here. But I love the comparison to a limb tingling with re-awakening, that’s a great metaphor :)

  2. Great description of what she’s feeling…can’t wait to see what happens when he comes back. And you’ve done well to capture the image, considering it’s a short story. I want to write a short story myself, and could use some insights.

  3. This snippet, as well as your intro of the characters, makes me want to get to know them. There’s always some unexpected facet that makes them real people living their lives, rather than mere cutouts walking through a prearranged plot. (And that’s a tricky thing to manage, in a genre that depends so strongly on expectations about plot and character.) Writing great genre fiction is like playing great jazz: you recognize the standard, while appreciating the original take on it.

  4. *Ahem* THEIR room? Like, hotel room?? Fast forward, indeed, LOL! Your description is superb and it sets the mood perfectly for what HER mood is at the moment. Great six!!

  5. I really like the presmise of this story, especially that he’s a geek in a hunk’s body! Cool six. I loved the multi-colored lights of the city and the crisp air. Dropped me right in the scene. Well done, as always, Angela.

  6. Monica Enderle Pierce

    LOVE how you move from her awareness of herself to awareness of him. Very sensual moment and no one’s lost any clothes (yet).

  7. Spot on six. I could feel her emotions and that’s smacks of great writing. Can’t wait for next week–where is this night going to take them?

  8. This is great, Angela. The only bit that sticks out for me is ‘the next part of this moment’ that’s one long moment. Would you consider simply the next moment? Keep it coming, it’s very enjoyable reading.

  9. You’ve described a beautiful moment. Great details. The sensory descriptions are spot on–the lights, the air, the sound of the doors and his footsteps: really put me there. And it was a good place to be.

  10. I love your description of Riley, “…a geek trapped in a Good Ol’ Boy body…” That is just brilliant!

    “…suddenly tingled with awareness…” Reawakening. Nicely written, Angela! I felt a sense of joy for her. :-)

  11. Still trying to get a mental picture of a geek in a good ol’ boy’s body. :-) Also I agree with Marcia regarding the ghost limb but I really liked the way you phrased her realisation that she’d become numb. That really conveyed the sense of anticipation when the doors opened.

  12. Good six, Angela. It might bring the reader more into the scene if you name the feelings she’s experiencing, especially since she’d felt numb before. Great description of her anticipation. :)

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