Six Sentence Sunday – 5/20/12

Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’m eager to share lines from my new short story BEER AND GROPING IN LAS VEGAS.

Riley is about to meet his blind date for the night, we’re in his POV, edited slightly to fit 6 sentences:

At the top, Juan swept back a leafy frond to reveal a granite table surrounded by lush foliage and a stacked stone wall. More torches sat in each corner, lending enough light to see by, but also adding a ton of atmosphere.

[Riley's] date faced the far wall, light flickering across the dark hair tumbling down her back. Shit, if he were the romantic type, he’d be in hog heaven with this setting. She slowly turned to face him.

His breath caught–Dear God, he was in heaven.

As always I welcome constructive feedback. Thank you!

To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here.

Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week! 

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43 Comments

  1. This is delightful (the whole story is — I’ll email you soon!) I loved Riley. And of course your titles make me smile. :)

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  2. Jessica Subject

     /  May 20, 2012

    Love his reaction! A great six! :)

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  3. Wow, I love his reaction!

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  4. Something new! Love the instant chemistry on his end. So … where does the groping part come it? ;)

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  5. Had to smile at his reaction, can’t wait to read more of course. Terrific excerpt!

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  6. Great set-up, and I love his reaction.

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  7. HA! Riley’s a goner. Nice six!

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  8. That was great.

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  9. Great six! I can picture the scene. Love your title too! :)

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  10. Great set-up, and you make everything very clear. Cool excerpt.

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  11. Face it Juan, you must be a romantic. Love the atmosphere!

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  12. Oh nice.I Iike that he’s in heaven!

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  13. Aw, I think maybe he is the romantic type. (And love the title.) You have a gift for those.

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  14. Now THAT gets your heart pumping. Nice job!

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  15. I like getting a glimpse of your new one. Scene setting is great and I love the gut-punch power of the ending!

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  16. Fun! I love that the title is a Hunter S. Thompson play. I heart HST (and he was from my hometown!) :)

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    • Thanks! This is the only time I’ve come up with a title first before the story… Cool that he’s from your hometown!

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  17. I like his reaction and your description makes the scene real and upbeat.

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  18. Very atmospheric. :) Sounds like he’s happy then. Looking forward to her reaction.

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  19. Great details, and as your character noticed, great atmosphere. The only thing I wondered was who Juan was. Fantastic title.

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  20. What a fantastic reaction from a guy. :-)

    I’m going to email you re: Must Love Breeches, btw.

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  21. Sounds like the beginning of a great date!

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  22. daezarkian

     /  May 20, 2012

    I love the description and the build-up to “the turn”. Nicely done!

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  23. Eee, loved this story. His reaction to first seeing her was priceless. I hope you’re going to share more, they have such a fun relationship. A lot of laugh out loud moments!

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    • :D Thanks Sadie! You definitely helped me tighten up this story :) I’ll be sharing snippets for a couple more weeks at least. Until I have something to share from my new steampunk one I’m in the middle of writing

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  24. The turn with a beautiful set-up, excellent 6. I knew I was going to miss the breeches, but this was awesome :)

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  25. Yes that is a great scene :D will you be submitting this?

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  26. Monica Enderle Pierce

     /  May 20, 2012

    Well, that’s a good start to the date! :D (Let’s hope she doesn’t sound like a mule or a fool when she opens her mouth. And, more importantly, let’s hope the same for him!)

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  27. I don’t think this blind date is going to be a bland date . . . :)

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  28. He’s in deep already! Absolutely love that title.

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  29. I love it! Great six :)

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  30. Nice six! That last line is perfect! :-)

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  31. Gem

     /  May 20, 2012

    He’s in heaven, but is it “hog-heaven” ? Guess he’ll find out. Hope he gets to keep his first response reaction.

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  32. I love it!

    One suggestion: “…lending enough light to see by, but also adding a ton of atmosphere.” Maybe change the “but” to an “and.”

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  33. Yes, that’s a lovely reaction from him. Very romantic!
    Unrelated, but do you really have 27K words done on a WIP started less than a week ago? That’s blowing my mind right there!

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    • It’s true! I enrolled in Candace Havens fast draft class on Monday and committed to write 15 pp a day! It’s blowing my mind too. I’ve been averaging 1200 to 1800 words an hour

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  34. Great opening for a new story, and fantastic title. Good luck with your writing class.

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  35. Gorgeous 6 Angela! You really set the scene for us. Love it. And his reaction… this is going to be very interesting.

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  36. Lol! The poor man has it bad! :)

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  37. Souds like he figures he really lucked out on this blind date.

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  38. You set the scene beautifully, it’s very romantic and yes awesome reaction. Nice one!

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  39. LOVE the last line, I’m looking forward to reading more from you.

    Reply

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