Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’m eager to share lines from my new short story BEER AND GROPING IN LAS VEGAS.
Riley is about to meet his blind date for the night, we’re in his POV, edited slightly to fit 6 sentences:
At the top, Juan swept back a leafy frond to reveal a granite table surrounded by lush foliage and a stacked stone wall. More torches sat in each corner, lending enough light to see by, but also adding a ton of atmosphere.
[Riley's] date faced the far wall, light flickering across the dark hair tumbling down her back. Shit, if he were the romantic type, he’d be in hog heaven with this setting. She slowly turned to face him.
His breath caught–Dear God, he was in heaven.
As always I welcome constructive feedback. Thank you!
To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here.
Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week!
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Donna Cummings
/ May 20, 2012This is delightful (the whole story is — I’ll email you soon!) I loved Riley. And of course your titles make me smile.
Jessica Subject
/ May 20, 2012Love his reaction! A great six!
Lisa Fox
/ May 20, 2012Wow, I love his reaction!
Stephanie
/ May 20, 2012Something new! Love the instant chemistry on his end. So … where does the groping part come it?
veronicascott
/ May 20, 2012Had to smile at his reaction, can’t wait to read more of course. Terrific excerpt!
Paula Martin
/ May 20, 2012Great set-up, and I love his reaction.
Carly Fall
/ May 20, 2012HA! Riley’s a goner. Nice six!
ellaquinnauthor
/ May 20, 2012That was great.
Lorraine Paton
/ May 20, 2012Great six! I can picture the scene. Love your title too!
Owllady/Marcia
/ May 20, 2012Great set-up, and you make everything very clear. Cool excerpt.
Melinda Dozier
/ May 20, 2012Face it Juan, you must be a romantic. Love the atmosphere!
Cara Bristol
/ May 20, 2012Oh nice.I Iike that he’s in heaven!
Linda Morris (@LMorrisWriter)
/ May 20, 2012Aw, I think maybe he is the romantic type. (And love the title.) You have a gift for those.
A.S. Fenichel
/ May 20, 2012Now THAT gets your heart pumping. Nice job!
Mae Clair
/ May 20, 2012I like getting a glimpse of your new one. Scene setting is great and I love the gut-punch power of the ending!
Writerlious
/ May 20, 2012Fun! I love that the title is a Hunter S. Thompson play. I heart HST (and he was from my hometown!)
Angela Quarles
/ May 20, 2012Thanks! This is the only time I’ve come up with a title first before the story… Cool that he’s from your hometown!
Ryan Derham
/ May 20, 2012I like his reaction and your description makes the scene real and upbeat.
Elin Gregory
/ May 20, 2012Very atmospheric.
Sounds like he’s happy then. Looking forward to her reaction.
Jalisa Blackman (@J_M_Blackman)
/ May 20, 2012Great details, and as your character noticed, great atmosphere. The only thing I wondered was who Juan was. Fantastic title.
Karysa Faire
/ May 20, 2012What a fantastic reaction from a guy.
I’m going to email you re: Must Love Breeches, btw.
Carrie-Anne
/ May 20, 2012Sounds like the beginning of a great date!
daezarkian
/ May 20, 2012I love the description and the build-up to “the turn”. Nicely done!
Sadie Hart
/ May 20, 2012Eee, loved this story. His reaction to first seeing her was priceless. I hope you’re going to share more, they have such a fun relationship. A lot of laugh out loud moments!
Angela Quarles
/ May 20, 2012S. J. Maylee
/ May 20, 2012The turn with a beautiful set-up, excellent 6. I knew I was going to miss the breeches, but this was awesome
Sue
/ May 20, 2012Yes that is a great scene
will you be submitting this?
Angela Quarles
/ May 20, 2012Soon! One more revision pass….
Monica Enderle Pierce
/ May 20, 2012Well, that’s a good start to the date!
(Let’s hope she doesn’t sound like a mule or a fool when she opens her mouth. And, more importantly, let’s hope the same for him!)
Sarah W
/ May 20, 2012I don’t think this blind date is going to be a bland date . . .
Cate Masters
/ May 20, 2012He’s in deep already! Absolutely love that title.
Corinne Davies
/ May 20, 2012I love it! Great six
Teresa Cypher
/ May 20, 2012Nice six! That last line is perfect!
Gem
/ May 20, 2012He’s in heaven, but is it “hog-heaven” ? Guess he’ll find out. Hope he gets to keep his first response reaction.
Kate
/ May 20, 2012I love it!
One suggestion: “…lending enough light to see by, but also adding a ton of atmosphere.” Maybe change the “but” to an “and.”
Kate Meader (@KittyMeader)
/ May 20, 2012Yes, that’s a lovely reaction from him. Very romantic!
Unrelated, but do you really have 27K words done on a WIP started less than a week ago? That’s blowing my mind right there!
Angela Quarles
/ May 20, 2012It’s true! I enrolled in Candace Havens fast draft class on Monday and committed to write 15 pp a day! It’s blowing my mind too. I’ve been averaging 1200 to 1800 words an hour
Jess Schira
/ May 20, 2012Great opening for a new story, and fantastic title. Good luck with your writing class.
Kylie Scott
/ May 20, 2012Gorgeous 6 Angela! You really set the scene for us. Love it. And his reaction… this is going to be very interesting.
Zee Monodee
/ May 21, 2012Lol! The poor man has it bad!
sueannbowlingauthor
/ May 21, 2012Souds like he figures he really lucked out on this blind date.
Catherine Johnson
/ May 21, 2012You set the scene beautifully, it’s very romantic and yes awesome reaction. Nice one!
mselene
/ May 26, 2012LOVE the last line, I’m looking forward to reading more from you.