Six Sentence Sunday – 4/22/12

Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’ll share a snippet from my time-travel romance WIP titled MUST LOVE BREECHES, which is now out in query land! (You can see the other entries here.)

I am currently looking for Beta readers. If you’re interested, let me know. I’ve stopped querying to see how this batch takes and so this new round of Beta reading will be to help me tighten up what problems will have come to light.

Here’s my pitch/logline: When a thoroughly modern girl finds herself stranded in 1834 London, she must find a way home while navigating the pitfalls of London society, resisting her attraction to a hunky lord, and ultimately having to decide when her true home lies. 

Y’all have been so patient as you read through snippets of her meeting Charles Babbage, scenes with Ada, etc., that I thought I’d bring us back to a scene with His Hunkiness. This is the midpoint of the novel, right after she’s caught him sneaking around in a room at a ball. Oh, and she’s on top of him on the floor because she’d been surprised by him and tackled him to the floor before she realized who it was (this is in his POV):

What the devil had prompted her to seek him out in this way? Had she really managed to pull him to the ground? Rather irritated with himself, Phineas glared at his supposed intended and became acutely aware of their position; specifically and suggestively their position in relation to each other.

Their labored breathing comingled, sending shivers through his body. If he had been tempted by her close proximity during previous encounters, this eclipsed those. His heart beat faster as her heat and scent settled over him.

As always I welcome constructive feedback. Thank you!

To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here.

Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week! 

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65 Comments

  1. I have nothing constructive to say. I loved it! :)

    Reply
  2. LOVE this part: “[He] became acutely aware of their position; specifically and suggestively their position in relation to each other.”

    It’s such a masculine way of thinking about a situation — you nailed the voice. :)

    Reply
  3. Jessica Subject

     /  April 22, 2012

    Wonderful show of the tension between them. :)

    Reply
  4. This was great — I love how he can’t believe she knocked him to the ground, but his bruised feelings don’t get in the way of other feelings. :)

    Reply
  5. Skye Warren

     /  April 22, 2012

    He sounds a little hot… probably someone should help him out with that :)

    Reply
  6. I love this snippet and I’ve been enjoying the full read, Angela. You’ve got a great voice and it’s so consistent. Very well written and enjoyable to read. Give me one more week and I’ll have it back to you.

    Reply
  7. indylinda

     /  April 22, 2012

    I love the “scent settled over him.” Unique non-cliched description. Good six!

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  8. Nice sexual tension here. Now I’m really curious to see how she reacts to him.

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  9. Oh, man! Did I know his name was Phineas before?? Because, I didn’t remember that, and it instantly brought to mind Amanda Quick (whom I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE) and her heroes. Thoroughly enjoying this story. Great six!

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  10. A proper lord…but so hot! Love this excerpt and love the story line. Wish I had the time to beta read for you. I want to read this story bad. I’ll definitely get the book when it’s out.

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  11. Very good one! She’s his intended? Now you’re got me hooked :)

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  12. Wonderful. They’re in a very interesting ‘position’ now!

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  13. Your sixes are always so wonderful and leave me wanting more. And there’s nothing hotter than a very proper gentleman who oozes magnatisim. Fantastic six!

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  14. Monica Enderle Pierce

     /  April 22, 2012

    Terrific voice, Angela. His astonishment, his irritation with himself, and his rather inappropriate (for the period) growing lust came through masterfully!

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  15. Ooh! I love the building awareness, the attraction. Nicely done.

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  16. Love that she surprised him in more ways than one! I can’t wait to read on.

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  17. My favorite is his irritation at being tackled to the ground by a slip of a thing (okay, I’m assuming that he thinks she’s a slip of a thing). Nice insert of humor into a sexually-tense scene!

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  18. Fantastic chemistry here! I can just imagine the two of them together :)

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  19. I love his “voice”. It’s so true as a male and to the time period. Well done! (Oh, and hot. Very. Very. Hot!)

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  20. I love this part — man has some things to learn about women . . . But they’re fun things! :)

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  21. Impressive six, Angela ~ Love your voice and this six!

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  22. Very nicely done, enjoyed his “voice”, can’t wait to see what happens to them NEXT! Terrific excerpt!

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  23. Excellent voice! I love that Phineas is feeling the sexual tension in the last few sentences. Great job!

    Reply
  24. Oh poor guy. They must have been perpetually frustrated then, having to behave all the time. :) Grand job.

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  25. specifically and suggestively … your writing is wonderful — nothing to be critiqued in this snippet

    Reply
  26. Gem

     /  April 22, 2012

    Love the snippet. He’s so true to the time period and the restrictions of his station in life. Great six!

    Reply
  27. Loved your scene. Wonder if he’ll be up to no good before too long? :-)

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  28. Ohh, very sexy. I love his reaction. Great six!

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  29. Wildcat's Wife

     /  April 22, 2012

    Temptation prevails!

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  30. Wonderful six! Great internal conflict with your emotion, thought, reaction sequence. I love that’s he irritated but tempted.

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  31. Niiiiice! Love that moment of realization!

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  32. Very suggestive, intense six! It seems like something more than just labored breathing could be about to happen.

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  33. Hmm.. did she tackle him from the front? Just trying to visualize how she broungt mim dowh in a suggestive posture with her on top unless he was backing away when she tackled him. Can’t help being a physicist, and mass does come into these things.

    Reply
    • he grabbed her from behind, she threw her drink in his face, and when he jerked, she buckled her knees as if off-balance. She then used his forward momentum to allow his weight to bring them forward toward the ground, with her landing on top of him, her back to his front. After she figures out who it is, she turns around and starts asking him questions… This is all prior to the above snippet. She knows Hop Gar style Kung Fu.

      The trick in Kung fu is to use the weight of your opponent against them.

      Reply
  34. Haha! Yep, I’d say things are well and truly heating up now. Great six!

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  35. LOL. Yep, I can see how that would be rather surprising for him. Sounds like things are heating up. :) Great six.

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  36. Proper Lord. Hmm. Like a proper Secret Service Man? Don’t think so. Love your writing style and wit. Excellent six. Thanks.

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  37. Karen Michelle Nutt

     /  April 22, 2012

    The attraction, the tension and the description of her heat and scent settling over him– perfect! Great six to draw a reader in.

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  38. Nice six, Angela. I’m intrigued by the fact that she tackled him. Makes me want to know more about her.

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  39. Love this six! His POV–fighting to be objective, analytical of the moment…yet their animal passion! Great six :-)

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  40. Well, he’s just going to have to kiss her then, isn’t he? Love this story. I come back every week (either as me or as Claire) to read more. Wish I had time to beta for you, because I’d volunteer, but right now, I just don’t, alas.

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  41. Excellent six. I love the combination of sexual tension with action. Fantastic six.

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  42. Oh, yes she did :) What a fun unexpected moment for these two! I’m very much looking forward to next week!!

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  43. Ooooo… the heat is ON!!! Can’t wait to see what he’ll do about this position! Or what she’ll do, for that matter. Love his voice!

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  44. Can’t wait to read what happens next! Great six! :)

    ~Jane~

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  45. Great reaction to finding himself in a somewhat awkward but, er, interesting position. Nice work, Angela!

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  46. Very impressive writing. Having not read your other entries and not knowing anything about, well, anything, did not seem to matter. In your six you got across a character I really knew nothing about (I read the six before the set-up/back story part). Well done and well written.

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  47. Lovely! Ace description from him, Angela. I really like this 6!

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  48. Great tension!

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  49. Wonderful tension–I like how he comes across. Great six!

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  50. siobhanmuir

     /  April 22, 2012

    Well, that definitely got his attention. Fun six, Angela. :)

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  51. Great Six, Angela! : ) I can feel the tension. I can’t wait to read more.

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  52. This is positively seething with sexual tension. I LOVE it!

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  53. I love the tension between these two characters. Super six!

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  54. How cute….she’s tackled him to the floor. Great description. I wish I had time to be a beta reader. The books sounds awesome and I love time-travel.

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  55. Wonderful tension here and I love the way he was starting to notice her. Can’t wait for next week.

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  56. Awww, he’s got it baaaaad! :)

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  57. Sorry I’m late getting to this, but I really love the chemistry between them in this snippet. Actually, I loved the chemistry between them throughout! Great job!

    Reply
  58. This has a kind of distanced, ‘well, yeah, this is awkward’ feeling to it. Yes. Most improper.

    It continues to intrigue… well, I’m a sucker for time travel.

    Reply

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