Six Sentence Sunday – 4/1/12

Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’ll share a snippet from my time-travel romance WIP tentatively titled MUST LOVE BREECHES, which is now out in query land! (You can see the other entries here.)

Here’s my new pitch/logline: When a thoroughly modern girl finds herself stranded in 1834 London, she must find a way home while navigating the pitfalls of London society, resisting her attraction to a hunky lord, and ultimately having to decide when her true home lies. 

I thought I would focus for the next couple of weeks on the scene where she meets the historical figure Charles Babbage. This is the start of the scene:

“And this, ladies and gentlemen, is my Silver Lady.” Charles Babbage swept his arm toward a mahogany table.

Isabelle shuffled forward with the fifty or so other guests at Charles Babbage’s home on Dorset Street. She bounced slightly on her toes. To see not only the precursor to the modern computer, but to meet the man himself and anyone else here? That would be an awesome memory to take back with her.

As always I welcome constructive feedback. Thank you!

To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here.

Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week! Have a great Sunday!

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65 Responses to Six Sentence Sunday – 4/1/12

  1. Zee Monodee April 1, 2012 at 6:52 am #

    I am so loving her experiences back in the past! Good job! :)

  2. Lisa Fox April 1, 2012 at 7:19 am #

    I can totally feel her excitement. I’m excited too!

  3. Jennifer Lowery April 1, 2012 at 7:35 am #

    Love his name! Your writing is so fun to read! Great six!

    • angela quarles April 1, 2012 at 8:07 am #

      Thanks! I can’t take credit for his name, though :) He was a real guy. I provided a link to his Wikipedia page….

  4. Stephanie April 1, 2012 at 8:07 am #

    For those of us who aren’t so familiar with his story, this still adds a slightly steampunkish vibe to the story. Very cool!

  5. Wendy S. Russo April 1, 2012 at 8:11 am #

    I would be on my toes too! Total geek moment. :)

  6. Karla Doyle April 1, 2012 at 8:22 am #

    Wouldn’t that be cool, to be in Isabelle’s shoes? Fun six, Angela. :)

  7. MeLeesa Swann April 1, 2012 at 8:24 am #

    Sounds interesting! Good job!

  8. Gem April 1, 2012 at 8:39 am #

    So she’s planning on returning to her time and taking memories back. What a neat way to set up your story. Love it.

  9. Cara Bristol April 1, 2012 at 8:40 am #

    What an experience she’s having!

  10. Kate April 1, 2012 at 8:40 am #

    Extra cool moment! Nice six.

  11. Candice Bundy April 1, 2012 at 8:47 am #

    Tons of fun so far. It’s interesting to flip between her fascination in history and the man. 😉

  12. Jalisa Blackman (@J_M_Blackman) April 1, 2012 at 9:38 am #

    Now, this is quite interesting. She’s sight-seeing in the past, so to speak. It’s nearly a vacation. A hot fling, nights out on the town, visiting historical sites…and people. That’s a great spin.

  13. K.E. Saxon April 1, 2012 at 9:41 am #

    Wow! I love learning new things. Thanks for the link to Charles Babbage. FASCINATING. And I’d feel just like Isabelle. Great six–great story. Love it!

  14. Sadie Hart April 1, 2012 at 9:42 am #

    I love how you’re incorporating real life figures into your novel. I can’t imagine getting to see one of the earliest computers. Love it!

  15. Lorraine Paton April 1, 2012 at 10:02 am #

    I love her excitement. It is interesting that you chose Babbage… does he have a role in helping her return to “her” time?

    • angela quarles April 1, 2012 at 10:05 am #

      No, but he does play another role with time and that’s all I’m revealing 😉

  16. Silver James April 1, 2012 at 10:05 am #

    Great way to introduce realism, Angela! I would suggest, though, that you only use Babbage’s full name once? I love your heroine. She’s enjoying her adventure instead of “bemoaning” it and that refreshing.

  17. Joya Fields April 1, 2012 at 10:07 am #

    Wow! I wanted to keep reading to find out what this contraption looks like. Nice job. Definitely left me wanting more. :)

  18. Joanne Stewart April 1, 2012 at 10:09 am #

    I agree. Great realism and a very neat little tidbit to insert.

  19. Mae Clair April 1, 2012 at 10:13 am #

    Great Six! I love the idea behind the book and this tidbit is delightful!

  20. Kate Meader April 1, 2012 at 10:13 am #

    Great intro to this scene, Angela. You asked for feedback so I have one small suggestion for this sentence: “…but to meet the man himself and anyone else here?” I would eliminate “and anyone else here” as it’s vague and weakens what goes before. Great six, as usual!

    • angela quarles April 1, 2012 at 10:24 am #

      So true! I was focused on transitioning to her speculating the others that might be there too (which is the next sentence) but you’re right, it weakens the impact here. Reworked that and then the next sentence after this snippet to make it flow better, thanks!

  21. Sabrina Garie April 1, 2012 at 10:26 am #

    Love the interplay of languages, older and more modern English. Great way to remind readers of their differences. Great six.

  22. Jo-Ann Carson April 1, 2012 at 10:29 am #

    Sweet six. Warm and intriguing.
    Best
    Jo-Ann

  23. Melinda Dozier April 1, 2012 at 11:16 am #

    Love these six! Can’t wait to read your entire story. Keeping fingers crossed that your query is answered.

    Fellow CCer,
    Mimiwriter

  24. Janey Falls April 1, 2012 at 11:16 am #

    Great six – I love “bounced slightly on her toes” – takes me right into her excitement!

  25. sue April 1, 2012 at 11:19 am #

    Wow – I didn’t knkow about him – sorta like davinci – way ahead of his time – just learned about alan turing this year – so computers can go that far back – this is grand – a fantastic story and learn something new

  26. Sarah W April 1, 2012 at 11:25 am #

    Great six—Charles Babbage is up there with Nikola Tesla in my coolest men of all time(s) list!

    • angela quarles April 1, 2012 at 11:27 am #

      Yeah, Tesla rocks too!! Both men so inventive and amazing and overlooked :(

  27. Jessica Knauss April 1, 2012 at 11:33 am #

    I just love that fiction can take us back to these important moments. How fun that the heroine appreciates it as well!

  28. Melynda Price April 1, 2012 at 11:50 am #

    You can feel here excitement. An engaging six!

  29. Chantel Rhondeau April 1, 2012 at 11:52 am #

    Nice six, Angela! I just love how Isabelle is always so excited by her new surroundings. It’s fun to see everything through her modern eyes!

  30. Carly Fall April 1, 2012 at 12:05 pm #

    That would be so awesome! You can feel how excited she is. Nice six, Angela! Have nice Sunday.

  31. Ursula Grey April 1, 2012 at 12:29 pm #

    Ooh, I love it! I so want to read this:-) I hope you hear something soon regarding your queries!

  32. sueannbowlingauthor April 1, 2012 at 12:31 pm #

    Says something about her that she knows who Babbage is. Thanks for the catch on mine, by the way.

    • angela quarles April 1, 2012 at 12:39 pm #

      yep, backstory is that her dad was a computer programmer. Plus she works at the British Museum…

  33. siobhanmuir April 1, 2012 at 12:32 pm #

    I like how you add real history into your story. Fun six. I would remove the question mark from the end of “anyone else here” and replace it with a period, but it was a great snippet, Angela. :)

  34. Author Charmaine Gordon April 1, 2012 at 12:40 pm #

    Totally charming and interesting, Angela. Special six.

  35. Carrie-Anne April 1, 2012 at 12:42 pm #

    Sounds like Isabelle is having a very exciting time. As a history lover, I’d also be excited to meet some of my favorite historical personalities.

  36. S. J. Maylee April 1, 2012 at 12:43 pm #

    “when her true love lies” that’s a different ending to your pitch, right? I love the when- it grabbed me!

    This snippet shows a new side of fun here and I’m really enjoying it, great 6

  37. Ruthie April 1, 2012 at 1:20 pm #

    Nice! Love the toe bouncing.

  38. Karysa Faire April 1, 2012 at 2:48 pm #

    LOVE it! And that encapsulates the story, the insert of history, the sight-seeing aspect to her adventure, everything. If I were a publisher, I’d snap this one up pronto!

    • angela quarles April 1, 2012 at 2:50 pm #

      Thanks, man I really wish you WERE a publisher! Thanks for the comment, it made my day! :)

  39. L.J. Kentowski April 1, 2012 at 3:18 pm #

    I could feel her excitement! This was a great six. Really gave me a flavor for the story and your writing. Loved it!

  40. veronicascott April 1, 2012 at 3:43 pm #

    I LOVE this story, every week better and better! She’s having fun and so am I! Terrific snippet!

  41. indylinda April 1, 2012 at 4:08 pm #

    Ooh, I hope you sell this one quickly. I can’t wait to read the whole thing. Great six!

  42. Karyn Good April 1, 2012 at 4:18 pm #

    Lovely six! I like her spunk and her enthusiasm.

  43. diannehartsock April 1, 2012 at 5:23 pm #

    Using the word ‘awesome’ was a great touch! Reminded me where she came from. Nice!

  44. daezarkian April 1, 2012 at 7:10 pm #

    Time-travel fiction is tons of fun when done properly. I love this snippet!

  45. Liana Brooks (@LianaBrooks) April 1, 2012 at 7:34 pm #

    How fun! I like the working title too.

  46. followingthesunset April 1, 2012 at 7:55 pm #

    Interesting to read something set back at that time. You do a good job projecting her feelings in this, good stuff!

  47. Donna Cummings April 1, 2012 at 8:13 pm #

    This made me smile — I love how she’s soaking up all the experiences, to take back great memories with her. And good luck with the querying! Fingers crossed for you. :)

  48. jeanettelgrey April 1, 2012 at 8:23 pm #

    What a neat premise for a story. Nice 6 – only con crit would be that using Charles Babbage’s full name twice within two sentences stuck out to me.

    Enjoyed it, and good luck!

  49. Vivien Dean April 1, 2012 at 8:31 pm #

    I can think of more than a few people who’d be excited about that possibility, too! Thanks for sharing. :)

  50. Sara Walter Ellwood April 1, 2012 at 9:09 pm #

    Great six, Angela!

  51. Heather Boyd April 1, 2012 at 9:28 pm #

    Great six. I love how you showed her bouncing on her toes to see.

  52. sarahballance April 1, 2012 at 10:35 pm #

    What a unique and exciting moment — a whole new twist on witnessing history! I, too, love how she bounced on her toes. This story is adding up to awesome, six sentences at a time. ;c)

  53. Elaine cantrell April 1, 2012 at 11:47 pm #

    I love this story.

  54. A.K. Morgen April 2, 2012 at 3:14 am #

    Good luck with the querying process! I’m really loving the bits of this story you’ve shared with us. This one was no exception.

  55. Tatiana April 2, 2012 at 8:39 am #

    This is a charming little snippet, mostly because your heroine is so upbeat and excited.

  56. Ryan April 2, 2012 at 8:14 pm #

    Great six as usual, Angela. Charles Babbage is a nice touch, his precursor to a computer? Interesting!

  57. pippajay April 3, 2012 at 4:55 am #

    Love how you’ve tied such an iconic event into the story.

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