Six Sentence Sunday – 4/1/12

Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’ll share a snippet from my time-travel romance WIP tentatively titled MUST LOVE BREECHES, which is now out in query land! (You can see the other entries here.)

Here’s my new pitch/logline: When a thoroughly modern girl finds herself stranded in 1834 London, she must find a way home while navigating the pitfalls of London society, resisting her attraction to a hunky lord, and ultimately having to decide when her true home lies. 

I thought I would focus for the next couple of weeks on the scene where she meets the historical figure Charles Babbage. This is the start of the scene:

“And this, ladies and gentlemen, is my Silver Lady.” Charles Babbage swept his arm toward a mahogany table.

Isabelle shuffled forward with the fifty or so other guests at Charles Babbage’s home on Dorset Street. She bounced slightly on her toes. To see not only the precursor to the modern computer, but to meet the man himself and anyone else here? That would be an awesome memory to take back with her.

As always I welcome constructive feedback. Thank you!

To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here.

Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week! Have a great Sunday!

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65 Comments

  1. I am so loving her experiences back in the past! Good job! :)

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  2. I can totally feel her excitement. I’m excited too!

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  3. Jennifer Lowery

     /  April 1, 2012

    Love his name! Your writing is so fun to read! Great six!

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  4. For those of us who aren’t so familiar with his story, this still adds a slightly steampunkish vibe to the story. Very cool!

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  5. I would be on my toes too! Total geek moment. :)

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  6. Wouldn’t that be cool, to be in Isabelle’s shoes? Fun six, Angela. :)

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  7. MeLeesa Swann

     /  April 1, 2012

    Sounds interesting! Good job!

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  8. Gem

     /  April 1, 2012

    So she’s planning on returning to her time and taking memories back. What a neat way to set up your story. Love it.

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  9. What an experience she’s having!

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  10. Extra cool moment! Nice six.

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  11. Tons of fun so far. It’s interesting to flip between her fascination in history and the man. ;)

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  12. Now, this is quite interesting. She’s sight-seeing in the past, so to speak. It’s nearly a vacation. A hot fling, nights out on the town, visiting historical sites…and people. That’s a great spin.

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  13. Wow! I love learning new things. Thanks for the link to Charles Babbage. FASCINATING. And I’d feel just like Isabelle. Great six–great story. Love it!

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  14. I love how you’re incorporating real life figures into your novel. I can’t imagine getting to see one of the earliest computers. Love it!

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  15. I love her excitement. It is interesting that you chose Babbage… does he have a role in helping her return to “her” time?

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  16. Great way to introduce realism, Angela! I would suggest, though, that you only use Babbage’s full name once? I love your heroine. She’s enjoying her adventure instead of “bemoaning” it and that refreshing.

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  17. Wow! I wanted to keep reading to find out what this contraption looks like. Nice job. Definitely left me wanting more. :)

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  18. I agree. Great realism and a very neat little tidbit to insert.

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  19. Great Six! I love the idea behind the book and this tidbit is delightful!

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  20. Kate Meader

     /  April 1, 2012

    Great intro to this scene, Angela. You asked for feedback so I have one small suggestion for this sentence: “…but to meet the man himself and anyone else here?” I would eliminate “and anyone else here” as it’s vague and weakens what goes before. Great six, as usual!

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    • So true! I was focused on transitioning to her speculating the others that might be there too (which is the next sentence) but you’re right, it weakens the impact here. Reworked that and then the next sentence after this snippet to make it flow better, thanks!

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  21. Love the interplay of languages, older and more modern English. Great way to remind readers of their differences. Great six.

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  22. Jo-Ann Carson

     /  April 1, 2012

    Sweet six. Warm and intriguing.
    Best
    Jo-Ann

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  23. Love these six! Can’t wait to read your entire story. Keeping fingers crossed that your query is answered.

    Fellow CCer,
    Mimiwriter

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  24. Great six – I love “bounced slightly on her toes” – takes me right into her excitement!

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  25. Wow – I didn’t knkow about him – sorta like davinci – way ahead of his time – just learned about alan turing this year – so computers can go that far back – this is grand – a fantastic story and learn something new

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  26. Great six—Charles Babbage is up there with Nikola Tesla in my coolest men of all time(s) list!

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  27. I just love that fiction can take us back to these important moments. How fun that the heroine appreciates it as well!

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  28. You can feel here excitement. An engaging six!

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  29. Nice six, Angela! I just love how Isabelle is always so excited by her new surroundings. It’s fun to see everything through her modern eyes!

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  30. That would be so awesome! You can feel how excited she is. Nice six, Angela! Have nice Sunday.

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  31. Ooh, I love it! I so want to read this:-) I hope you hear something soon regarding your queries!

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  32. Says something about her that she knows who Babbage is. Thanks for the catch on mine, by the way.

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  33. siobhanmuir

     /  April 1, 2012

    I like how you add real history into your story. Fun six. I would remove the question mark from the end of “anyone else here” and replace it with a period, but it was a great snippet, Angela. :)

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  34. Totally charming and interesting, Angela. Special six.

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  35. Sounds like Isabelle is having a very exciting time. As a history lover, I’d also be excited to meet some of my favorite historical personalities.

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  36. “when her true love lies” that’s a different ending to your pitch, right? I love the when- it grabbed me!

    This snippet shows a new side of fun here and I’m really enjoying it, great 6

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  37. Ruthie

     /  April 1, 2012

    Nice! Love the toe bouncing.

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  38. LOVE it! And that encapsulates the story, the insert of history, the sight-seeing aspect to her adventure, everything. If I were a publisher, I’d snap this one up pronto!

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  39. I could feel her excitement! This was a great six. Really gave me a flavor for the story and your writing. Loved it!

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  40. I LOVE this story, every week better and better! She’s having fun and so am I! Terrific snippet!

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  41. indylinda

     /  April 1, 2012

    Ooh, I hope you sell this one quickly. I can’t wait to read the whole thing. Great six!

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  42. Lovely six! I like her spunk and her enthusiasm.

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  43. Using the word ‘awesome’ was a great touch! Reminded me where she came from. Nice!

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  44. daezarkian

     /  April 1, 2012

    Time-travel fiction is tons of fun when done properly. I love this snippet!

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  45. How fun! I like the working title too.

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  46. Interesting to read something set back at that time. You do a good job projecting her feelings in this, good stuff!

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  47. This made me smile — I love how she’s soaking up all the experiences, to take back great memories with her. And good luck with the querying! Fingers crossed for you. :)

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  48. jeanettelgrey

     /  April 1, 2012

    What a neat premise for a story. Nice 6 – only con crit would be that using Charles Babbage’s full name twice within two sentences stuck out to me.

    Enjoyed it, and good luck!

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  49. I can think of more than a few people who’d be excited about that possibility, too! Thanks for sharing. :)

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  50. Great six, Angela!

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  51. Great six. I love how you showed her bouncing on her toes to see.

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  52. What a unique and exciting moment — a whole new twist on witnessing history! I, too, love how she bounced on her toes. This story is adding up to awesome, six sentences at a time. ;c)

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  53. I love this story.

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  54. Good luck with the querying process! I’m really loving the bits of this story you’ve shared with us. This one was no exception.

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  55. This is a charming little snippet, mostly because your heroine is so upbeat and excited.

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  56. Great six as usual, Angela. Charles Babbage is a nice touch, his precursor to a computer? Interesting!

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  57. Love how you’ve tied such an iconic event into the story.

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