Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’ll share a snippet from my time-travel romance WIP tentatively titled MUST LOVE BREECHES, which is now out in query land! (You can see the other entries here.)

Here’s my new pitch/logline: When a thoroughly modern girl finds herself stranded in 1834 London, she must find a way home while navigating the pitfalls of London society, resisting her attraction to a hunky lord, and ultimately having to decide when her true home lies. 

I thought I would focus for the next couple of weeks on the scene where she meets the historical figure Charles Babbage. This is the start of the scene:

“And this, ladies and gentlemen, is my Silver Lady.” Charles Babbage swept his arm toward a mahogany table.

Isabelle shuffled forward with the fifty or so other guests at Charles Babbage’s home on Dorset Street. She bounced slightly on her toes. To see not only the precursor to the modern computer, but to meet the man himself and anyone else here? That would be an awesome memory to take back with her.

As always I welcome constructive feedback. Thank you!

To see snippets from others who are participating or to sign up yourself, visit here.

Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week! Have a great Sunday!

  1. Great way to introduce realism, Angela! I would suggest, though, that you only use Babbage’s full name once? I love your heroine. She’s enjoying her adventure instead of “bemoaning” it and that refreshing.

  2. Great intro to this scene, Angela. You asked for feedback so I have one small suggestion for this sentence: “…but to meet the man himself and anyone else here?” I would eliminate “and anyone else here” as it’s vague and weakens what goes before. Great six, as usual!

    • So true! I was focused on transitioning to her speculating the others that might be there too (which is the next sentence) but you’re right, it weakens the impact here. Reworked that and then the next sentence after this snippet to make it flow better, thanks!

  3. Wow – I didn’t knkow about him – sorta like davinci – way ahead of his time – just learned about alan turing this year – so computers can go that far back – this is grand – a fantastic story and learn something new

  4. I like how you add real history into your story. Fun six. I would remove the question mark from the end of “anyone else here” and replace it with a period, but it was a great snippet, Angela. :)

  5. “when her true love lies” that’s a different ending to your pitch, right? I love the when- it grabbed me!

    This snippet shows a new side of fun here and I’m really enjoying it, great 6

  6. What a neat premise for a story. Nice 6 – only con crit would be that using Charles Babbage’s full name twice within two sentences stuck out to me.

    Enjoyed it, and good luck!

  7. What a unique and exciting moment — a whole new twist on witnessing history! I, too, love how she bounced on her toes. This story is adding up to awesome, six sentences at a time. ;c)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes:

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>