Today is #sixsunday where writers share six sentences from their work. I’ll share a snippet from my time-travel romance WIP tentatively title Must Love Breeches. I currently have this out to Beta readers for feedback and hope to be in a position to query for agents by March. Here’s my working query hook for it: Isabelle Rochon has met the man of her dreams. There’s only one problem: he lives in a different century. (You can see the other entries here.)
I’m going to try something new and share something I just added to see if it flows right. Setup: Lord Montagu, the love interest from the 19th century, has come to call on the heroine (from our present time). This is in her POV. I just revised this bit this past week — the original just had the first and second lines. I thought I’d try to explain what the meaning of the bow seemed like to her and I’m not sure if I have the beats down right.
He executed a neat bow.
A folklorist should document his bows — the man expressed different degrees of meaning with each. Like this one, which seemed to say, “I’d like to jump your bones.” Well, he’d probably phrase it as, “I lust for you.”
Um, yeah, no. Who was she kidding?
I’d love constructive feedback as to whether this flowed smoothly and if it gave you a chuckle? EDIT: The consensus seems to be that the last line kinda fails. Any suggestions on how to reword that so it gets across that she’d just made all that up and read too much into it? Okay, changing last line to:
Um, yeah, no. Probably more like, “Good afternoon.”
Thank you to everyone who comes by and comments each week! Have a great Sunday!